This is a new blog series I’m starting. I’ve always had a love of rock music ever since I discovered MTV as a kid. When you love something or someone so much, you become very passionate about them. In this series I will talk about how big of a fan I am of a particular person’s music, but how their actions as a person almost turns me against them.
Keep in mind, I’ve never met any of these people face-to-face so this isn’t really a personal attack on someone’s character…even though it is.
So my opinion cultivates from how I’ve seen them portrayed on TV, things I read on the Internet, and most of all how they jerk around the most important people: their fans. Without their fans, these people would be nothing. So as a fan, I am venting my frustration about my rock heroes.
I’m sure this series is going to piss some people off because I will be talking negatively about some of the biggest rockstars in history. But if I wasn’t a fan, I wouldn’t feel so passionately enough to write these things. Today we start with my love/hate relationship with, in my opinion, the greatest guitarist of my generation: Eddie Van Halen. He’s an iconic musician, a true rockstar (see my blog Where Have All The Rockstars Gone), a control freak, and a complete egomaniac.
In 1991, I was 11 years old and still just getting into MTV. One afternoon, a world premiere video was about to be unveiled. The band was called Van Halen. I had never heard of this band, but I was intrigued to see their brand new video for the song “Poundcake”.
When the video began, I noticed a few things that made me an instant fan. 1. Eddie Van Halen. First off, the guy was playing his guitar with a power drill. HOLY SHIT! Even when he put the drill down, he was playing some incredible licks on his guitar. I had seen some sick guitarists, but this guy was putting on a clinic. 2. The song was heavy as balls. The “Poundcake”s hard driving rhythm courtesy of Alex Van Halen & Michael Anthony combined with Eddie’s guitar and the unique vocals of Sammy Hagar made me rock out with my TV. And 3, the album was titled For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge which is an acronym for F.U.C.K. That is hands down, the greatest album title ever. I immediately went to Gloucester Music to buy the tape. I played the fucking shit out of F.U.C.K. and VH became one of my favorite bands.
Back when music videos played regularly, MTV played the current hits while VH1 played the “old” songs. One day I tuned into VH1 and I saw a video with some guy named David Lee Roth. I was used to his songs like “Just A Gigalo” & “California Girls”, and didn’t care much for him. I found him very charismatic but his music just seemed silly. However this song he was doing called “Jump” was pretty dang catchy. Wait a minute…Whoa! There’s Eddie Van Halen! Wow! He must have been a guest musician on this track…wait…there’s Michael Anthony…and Alex Van Halen…what the hell??? At the end of the video, VH1 said the artist was Van Halen. This was how I found out that Roth was VH’s original singer. I guess because Eddie is such a controlling prick and Roth is such an attention whore, they just couldn’t work together anymore.
Well that didn’t matter because Sammy Hagar was their singer now, and in truth at the time, I liked the line-up with Hagar better. Today, I like both versions of the band about equal. But because their voices are so different, I hate it when Hagar sings Roth’s songs.
Throughout the early 1990s, Van Halen was one of the biggest bands in the world. They had sold out tours, a huge back catalog of hits, and their newer albums were reaching #1 on the charts. In 1995, they released the album Balance which is one of my favorite albums from the band. That summer, I saw them in concert at the Worcester Centrum and they were amazing. A year later, the band fell apart thanks to Eddie’s ego.
Eddie Van Halen wanted to do a greatest hits record. Sammy Hagar felt that meant that the band was “over” and that would make Van Halen become nothing more than a “greatest hits” band (looking back on it, he was actually right). Eventually, Sammy Hagar and the rest of Van Halen parted ways. How this happened is one of those “he said, she said” situations. Sammy claims he was fired, Eddie said he quit. In truth, the band was secretly working with David Lee Roth for two new tracks, “Can’t Get This Stuff No More” and “Me Wise Magic”, for their Best Of: Vol 1 album. So technically Hagar quit after learning about the band’s collaboration with Roth, but I don’t blame him. It’s like finding out your wife had an affair with her ex behind your back.
Letting Hagar leave and bringing in Roth at the time didn’t make any sense to me. I could see if Van Halen’s album sales were in the shitter and concert attendance was way down. But why would you make such a drastic change at the height of your popularity? Either way, Roth was their lead singer.
A month later, the 4 original members of Van Halen showed up at the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards. Many had the impression that a full-fledged reunion tour with Roth was on the horizon. Fans were super-psyched that Roth was back in the band. I was disappointed about Hagar being gone, but it didn’t take me long to pick up VH’s 1978 debut album and fall in love with the original line-up. 2 weeks after the MTV awards, Roth was kicked out of the band again. Eddie said that the greatest hits collaboration was “just a project” and Roth was never fully back in the band. So now Roth is out, and Hagar wants nothing to do with the band.
Van Halen was one of the most popular bands in the world, arguably as big as U2 at the time, and Eddie Van Halen singlehandedly destroyed it. So then he decides to hire former Extreme vocalist Gary Cherone as the band’s third lead singer in 6 months.
I’m not going to bash VH3 that much. It’s actually not a bad album. I have only one complaint; the band was still called “Van Halen”. If they called this “project” anything but Van Halen, it would have been fine. I feel the same way when Motley Crue let Vince Neil go and they hired John Corabi to replace him. The album they did with him was really good, but it didn’t sound like Motley Crue. And guess what? When the VH3 album sales tanked and the tour sold poorly, Gary Cherone was let go.
For the next 5 years, the band would basically lay dormant making little news. The biggest headline was one summer Sammy Hagar actually went on tour with David Lee Roth. I forget the actual name of the tour, but fans and the media called the tour “Sans Halen”. They alternated who the headliner was, played to tons of fans, and of course fought constantly.
Rumors would spread about Van Halen secretly working with Roth again. In 2004, a Van Halen tour was announced. Everyone expected the tour to be with Roth. But it was with Hagar. This didn’t make any fucking sense to me. Seriously Eddie, you were on top of the world, your ego got in the way, and now 8 fucking years later you’re going to attempt to recapture that position in the music world that you once had? Wellm believe it or not, it actually worked. The band released yet another greatest hits record and had 3 new songs with Hagar on it. The tour was one of the biggest of that year. But of course, it was plagued with problems. Eddie’s ego combined with the fact that he was drinking again was the last straw for Hagar. As soon as it was over, Sammy Hagar announced that he was “done” with Van Halen. Once
again, the band went on hiatus.
In 2006, Van Halen was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. Only Hagar and Michael Anthony showed up for the ceremony. Velvet Revolver performed “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love” and then when it was over, there was a lot of confusion on stage. Hagar & Anthony decided to perform “Why Can’t This Be Love” unrehearsed. Random.
Finally in 2007 (a decade after they’re MTV Awards appearance), the original band appeared on stage. I was psyched that the big reunion tour was FINALLY going to take place! I watched the press conference live on TV. There’s Eddie! There’s Alex! THERE’s FUCKIN’ DAVE!!! And there’s Micha…uh….um…wait…...wait a minute…...WHO’S THAT FAT KID?!?!?
Apparently, Michael Anthony’s loyalty to his friend Sammy Hagar lead him to leave the band too. WHAT THE FUCK!!! ROTH COMES BACK AND NOW MICHAEL ANTHONY IS OUT?!?!?!?! So now we get Eddie’s kid playing bass for Van Halen. A 19 year old fat kid looks a little out of place playing with 3 other skinny dudes in their 50s. Don’t cha think?
Seriously, what the fuck is Eddie’s deal? Yes, Roth is back, but now Michael Anthony out. So the question looms: is this a REAL reunion? My answer is FUCK NO! When you’re going to reunite the ORIGINAL line-up of a band, reunite the ENTIRE ORIGINAL LINE-UP! As long as none of you are dead, there is no reason not too; except the fact that Eddie Van Halen is a prick. But alas, I shall remain a loyal fan of both incarnations of Van Halen because in the end, it’s the music that matters.
If Eddie was smart and wanted to make a shitload of money, he would do what is right and do a giant tour with BOTH Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth. Play two sets, one with Hagar and one with Roth. You can even switch off who is the headliner. Maybe when Van Halen finally is going to call it quits, they will do this and end the band right.
Oh yeah Eddie, one more thing: KICK YOUR FUCKIN’ KID OUT OF THE BAND!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The Most Shocking Moments In Wrestling (Part 3)
Getting down to the nitty-gritty! If you haven’t read Part 1 & 2, go back and read them.
PART 3
#20. THE ODDEST COUPLE
There has been a fair share of famous couples in wrestling. Macho Man & Elizabeth. Matt Hardy & Lita. Edge & Vicki Guerrero…eww! But there is one couple that makes everyone’s stomachs turn: Mark Henry & Mae Young.
Before he was “The Silverback”, he was Sexual Chocolate. Mark Henry was a member of the Nation of Domination in the late 1990s. Mae Young was a wrestler back in the 1950s-1970s. For some reason, her and the Fabulous Moolah kept showing up on WWF Raw during the Attitude Era. I remember when Bubba Ray Dudley put her through a table! Mae Young was hardcore! Then she flashed her titties once on TV. Hmm, maybe she was TOO hardcore?
Anyway, for some reason the World’s Strongest Man and some drunken old hag ended up as am on-screen couple. It was downright disturbing to see them make out on television. I hope Henry was getting paid good money for this!
Their relationship came to a climax (I wish I didn’t have to use that word), when Mae Young became pregnant. Keep in mind that she was about 75 at the time. A month later (that was a quick pregnancy), she gave birth. I remember her being in stirrups with her back to the camera while Tony Garrea & Pat Paterson were telling her to “push”. Mark Henry is standing by cheering on his love as she gives birth to their beautiful baby…hand. Yes, she gave birth to a severed hand.
This was an angle that was odd from the very beginning; it only got odder and ended in the oddest possible way.
#19. DX INVADES WCW
In the late 1990s, WWF & WCW took shots at each other during the Monday night war. Triple H & crew decided to fire one back, in a make-shift tank.
In 1998 WCW was doing Nitro live in Norfolk, VA. On the same night, WWF was doing Raw live in Washington D.C. So D-generation X decided to cross the river and pay their rivals a visit!
Driving a military vehicle were Triple H, X-Pac, Road Dogg Jesse James, “Bad Ass” Billy Gunn & Chyna dressed in army fatigues. HHH was armed with a megaphone and declaring war on WCW by showing up to the arena and talking with fans outside. The fans were shock that DX had arrived at a WCW show. Triple H shocked the Raw viewers by asking those attending Nitro how much the paid for their tickets. Many said they got their tickets for free. Apparently to give the impression that the show was sold out, WCW would give out many free tickets just to fill seats left vacant in the arena.
DX was eventually shut out of the venue by WCW security and they returned back to D.C. But this was a major shot fired by WWF during the Monday Night War.
#18. THE BREAK-UP OF THE ROCKERS
Tag-teams break up all the time. One guy turns heel, one guys turns babyface. One guy goes to Raw, one guy goes to Smackdown. Etc. Over the last 25 years, I’ve seen a lot of great teams come and go. But this was the most memorable tag-team break-up I can remember.
The Rockers, Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty, were called “Tag-Team Specialists”. They brought a look that made the girls scream and the guys cheer. They brought tag-team wrestling to a new level with their incredible double-team moves. The Rockers paved the way for numerous tag-teams such as The Hardy Boyz and Edge & Christian to the Motor City Machine Guns and Generation Me.
The Rockers were from what I call “The Golden Age of Tag-Team Wrestling” and they feuded with everyone from The Brain Busters, The Bolsheviks, The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, Demolition and the Hart Foundation just to name a few. By late 1991, the duo began having arguments in the ring which led to miscommunication and losing matches. Many rumors were swirling that the end was near for this great tag-team.
On an episode of The Barbershop hosted by Brutus Beefcake, he asked the question to them if they were splitting up. After a brief interview, they shared a handshake and hug as fans cheered. When out of nowhere, Michaels blasted Jannetty in the face with a kick in what would later be called Sweet Chin Music. Michaels then picks up Jannetty, talks some trash to him, and then throws him into the Barbershop’s glass window. Immediately, Jannetty was covered in blood from going through the glass.
This was crazy because this was before the days of hardcore wrestling and blood was rarely used in the WWF during this time. It was extremely violent for its day and way ahead of its time. Blood was used so sparingly, that you rarely saw it on pay-per-view, let alone on free TV.
The former partners had an on-again/off-again feud for a while, till Shawn Michaels went on to become one of the greatest wrestling superstars in history. Although he beat Michaels for a brief reign as Intercontinental Champion, Marty Jannetty never achieved solo success in the WWF.
In 2005, the duo reunited for one night only against La Resistance on an episode of Monday Night Raw.
#17. A SAVAGE SNAKEBITE
One of my favorite wrestlers growing up was Jake “The Snake” Roberts. I thought he was so cool even though he was very different from many of the big stars of the day. He didn’t have Hulk Hogan’s arms, Ultimate Warrior’s chest, Jimmy Snuka’s agility, or Andre The Giant’s size. But there was a charisma with Jake that when he spoke, looked in the camera, or was in the ring just entranced me. It was almost like he would come through the TV and touch you. Plus he had Damien the python in his corner! All that plus the live snake I always thought was cool. When he turned heel, those same characteristics actually scared me. To add to that, he replaced the python with a king cobra. And one day on WWF Superstars, he really freaked me out.
Jake was feuding with Macho Man Randy Savage. Savage, had lost a career ending match to the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania that year. He then became an announcer and got “married” to Miss Elizabeth at Summerslam that year. During the reception, Jake attacked Savage & frightened Elizabeth as he unveiled his cobra. Because of the danger, Jake also began wearing a snake handler’s glove to protect him from being bitten. One day in the ring, Jake called out Savage. He responded and was beaten down by Roberts and tied in the ropes. With Macho Man helpless, Jake went for the small bag in the corner. He unveiled a 6 foot long king cobra. He began teasing Savage with it eventually bringing it very close to him. Then suddenly, the cobra clamped down on Savage’s left arm and began biting him. The snake then began gnawing on his arm quickly drawing blood. Throughout Jake’s entire WWF career, he had always carried a snake to the ring. This was the first time it had ever actually bitten anyone, and here it was intentional. The stunned crowd began to scream in terror.
For some reason, Savage apparently agreed to have the snake bite him because it was devenomized so he had no fear of being poisoned. There was only one problem; once the snake bit Savage, Jake couldn’t get it off him. The cobra’s bite was so strong that Savage’s arm began to bleed profusely leading the network to censor the broadcast while the snake was on him. Jake tried everything to get the cobra to release its bite without breaking character. The last thing anyone would want is for Jake to show emotion or concern while generating so much heat. Finally, he got the snake to release its bite. The segment went on for a LOT longer than initially planned.
Jake Roberts and Randy Savage had a lengthy feud that lasted until February of 1992. Jake then began feuding with the Undertaker and after Wrestlemania VIII, left for WCW. On that same night, Savage became WWF Champion for the 2nd time by beating Ric Flair.
In an even stranger twist, the king cobra actually died not long after the incident. Savage later joked that the snake died from HIS venom! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YYYYYYYYYYYYEAAH!!!!
#16. THE TRAGEDY OF THE VON ERICH FAMILY
One of the first families in pro wrestling was the Von Erich family. Fritz Von Erich (real name: Jack Adkisson) was a wrestler and promoter who had 6 sons Jack Jr., Kevin, David, Kerry, Mike, & Chris.
Tragedy came early to this family when at the age of on 7, Jack Jr. was accidently electrocuted and drowned. The remaining 5 brothers all followed in their legendary dad’s footsteps and got into the wrestling business.
The Von Erichs’ became huge stars in World Class Championship Wrestling (WCCW) in Texas. They had many memorable feuds; their most famous being with the Fabulous Freebirds. But sadly this legendary family is known more for tragedy more than triumph.
In 1984, David Von Erich passed away. How he died is debatable. Some say it was of natural causes while some wrestlers claim it was drugs. Mike took his own life in 1987 by overdosing on tranquilizer pills. In 1991, suicide also took the life of Chris Von Erich.
The most successful of the brothers was Kerry Von Erich. In both WCCW & the NWA, Kerry was known as the “Modern Day Warrior”. In 1984, at a tribute show to his brother David, Kerry Von Erich defeated Ric Flair to become the NWA World Heavyweight Champion. In 1986, he had a very bad motorcycle accident that nearly ended his life. Because of the accident, his right foot had to be amputated. He was fitted with a prosthetic and actually was able to continue wrestling. A month after making his debut in the WWF as the “Texas Tornado”, he defeated Mr. Perfect at Summerslam 1990 to become the Intercontinental Champion. At Survivor Series that year, Mr. Perfect teamed up with the three members of Demolition to take on The Ultimate Warrior, Kerry Von Erich & the Legion of Doom (Hawk & Animal). So on one team you had the Ultimate Warrior, Kerry who used to be known as The Modern Day Warrior, and Hawk & Animal who were the Road Warriors!
Sadly in 1993, like his brothers Mike & Chris, Kerry committed suicide by shooting himself in the heart.
After having to suffer through the deaths of 5 of his sons, Fritz Von Erich himself died of cancer in 1997.
In 2009, Kevin Von Erich represented his late father and brothers as the Von Erich family was inducted into the WWE Hall Of Fame. The Von Erichs’ were inducted by long time rival and Fabulous Freebird, Michael “P.S.” Hayes.
Kevin remains the only living member of the Von Erich family. Kerry Von Erich’s daughter Lacey currently wrestles for TNA Wrestling.
#15. HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD IN WCW
In 1993, Hulk Hogan returned to WWF after a yearlong “retirement”. When he returned, the landscape of the company was very different. In his absence, Bret “The Hitman” Hart became the top star.
He returned to aid friend Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake in his rivalry with Money Inc (I.R.S. & Ted DiBiase). They were set to have a match at Wrestlemania IX. Later that night, Bret Hart lost the WWF Championship to Yokozuna. For some odd reason, Hogan pinned Yokozuna 2 minutes later to win the belt himself. Many people anticipated a match between Hogan & Hart, but it never happened in the WWF for one reason or another. At King Of The Ring in June, Hogan then dropped the title back to Yokozuna and left the WWF.
For the next year and a half, Hogan testified in court as Vince McMahon was brought a federal trial for allegedly distributing anabolic steroids to his wrestlers. Hogan admitted to taking steroids but declared McMahon never gave them to him or forced him to use them.
Hulk Hogan spent his time off from wrestling and the trial trying to become a movie and television star. He was shooting a television show called Thunder In Paradise at the Disney/MGM Studios in Orlando, FL…the same place where WCW was filming their television programming.
Hogan eventually had a meeting with Eric Bischoff. Bischoff’s goal was to see if Hogan had any interest in getting back into wrestling; most importantly in WCW. Within a few months, they reached a deal and in summer of 1994, Hulk Hogan signed with WCW.
This was a major shock to WWF fans. In the past, many wrestlers have gone back in forth between companies. But now the biggest star in the history of wrestling was now in WCW. Hulk Hogan joining WCW is without a doubt the biggest free agent signing in wrestling history. His signing laid the foundation for WCW becoming a major player in the wrestling world. In the next few years, several of WWF’s top stars joined WCW.
#14. ECW MASS TRANSIT
ECW was always extreme. Many believed that they were too extreme for pay-per-view. After the company and fans fought to get ECW a pay-per-view event, they finally were going to be granted one in 1997. But at the tail end of 1996, a bloody incident almost cost them everything.
In Revere, Massachusetts, a tag-team match was scheduled between D-Von Dudley & Axl Rotten Vs. The Gangstas (New Jack & Mustafa). It is unknown why, but Axl Rotten was not able to make the show. Paul Heyman met a young man who was at the event with his father. The young man was 6’2”, 350lb Eric Kulas. Kulas said he was 20 and was an independent wrestler who was trained by Killer Kowalski at his local wrestling school. Kulas’s father had paperwork to prove it. He dressed like an MBTA train worker and went under the name Mass Transit. After his father talked with Paul Heyman, he became Axl’s replacement in the tag-team match.
While going over the match with the other participants, he was asked if he had ever bled during a match. Kulas said he never had and asked New Jack if he could “blade” him. Now, two points need to be made: 1). If you are going to “add color” to a match, ALWAYS do it yourself. You’re the one who can feel it, so you will know how much is enough. 2). If you are going to let someone else blade you (and you shouldn’t), NEVER let it be New Jack!!!!
The match takes place, and Mass Transit gets a huge response from the hometown crowd. It was the last good thing that would happen to Eric Kulas on this night.
New Jack beat the holy hell out of this poor kid. During that match, Kulas’s father can be heard screaming “Please stop the match! He’s just a kid!!!” His father was crying as he watched his son get beaten to a bloody pulp in the ring. It turns out Eric Kulas was not an independent wrestler named Mass Transit. He was never trained by Killer Kowalski. He was never properly trained. He also lied about his age as the 20 year old was actually only 17. He was just a kid with a dream of being a pro wrestler. Kulas received a concussion, required tons of stitches and sustained bruises all over his body from the beating New Jack gave him in the ring.
Because of the incident, ECW’s Barely Legal pay-per-view for 1997 was temporarily cancelled. Eventually the ppv was rescheduled to air in April instead of the initially planned February. The Kulas family took Paul Heyman, New Jack, and ECW to court. When it was revealed that Eric Kulas and his father lied about his age, falsified his documentation, and misrepresented that he was actually a professional wrestler, the case was throw out of court and all charges were dropped.
Eric Kulas, who had suffered with weight problems his entire life, died in 2002 at the age of 23 due to complications from gastric bypass surgery.
#13. KATIE VICK
This will go down in wrestling history as the worst storyline ever.
In 2002, Triple H was feuding with Kane. Triple H said that Kane had a secret that The Game would reveal to the world. The next week, to Kane’s horror, he mentioned the name Katie Vick.
The following week, the story revealed that Kane had a girlfriend named Katie Vick. One night they were driving and they had a little too much to drink. Kane was behind the wheel and crashed their car. Kane was injured but Katie was dead. Triple H called him a murderer.
This storyline was weird enough then it got more disturbing.
We cut to video of a funeral home allegedly dated from 1992. Triple H walks into the parlor wearing a Big Freakin’ Red Machine t-shirt and a Kane mask. Pretending to be Kane, he walks over to an open casket with a body in it. The body (presumable a mannequin) wearing a cheerleader outfit. Triple H begins talking to it and tells a story about how Katie would not let Kane fondle her and that is why he killed her. Triple H begins groping the body. He then taking his clothes off, and eventually climbed into the casket and pretended to have sex with the “corpse”.
This angle and the HHH/Kane feud was quickly laid to rest (no pun intended), and HHH began feuding with Shawn Michaels almost immediately.
WWE’s dip into necrophilia was the most disturbing, bizarre and overall worst storyline ever. Many who remember the incident are still scratching their heads as to why the hell Vince would ever touch this subject.
#12. THE BODYSLAM FELT ‘ROUND THE WORLD!
Wrestlemania III was an epic event. The tagline was “Bigger, Better, Badder”. 93,173 fans packed the Pontiac Silver Dome in Detroit, MI on March 27th, 1987. The main event: Hulk Hogan Vs. Andre The Giant.
While Hogan had been the WWF Champion for over 3 years at this point, Andre at 7’4” & 550 lbs was still THE dominant force in wrestling. Andre was in the twilight of his career while Hogan was quickly taking the position of the most dominant force in wrestling. As Gorilla Monsoon would call it, this was “the irresistible force meeting the immovable object”.
Going into the match, Andre The Giant had not lost a match cleanly in over 15 years. This was to be a “passing of the torch” for Hogan…if Andre wanted to do it. When Vince told Andre about the finish, he wasn’t sure he wanted to put Hogan over. Eventually he told Hogan he would do it.
The finish of the match shocked everyone. Not only did Hogan beat Andre clean, but he did the impossible: he bodyslammed him!!!! As a 6 year old boy watching this match, I fell out of my seat. Hogan had the 24” pythons (brother!), but this was Andre The Giant. Andre had seldom been knocked off his feet in his career, and Hogan scooped him up and slammed him!
Because of the win, Hogan’s career went through the roof. Hogan would go on to become the biggest star in the history of the business and Andre became the first wrestler ever inducted into the WWF Hall Of Fame.
#11. BRET FINDS CLOSURE
In wrestling they always say “never say never”. So and so may come back for one more match. “That” reunion may take place. Anything can happen in the WWF! Wrestling fans believed that to be true about just about anything. Except one thing. Bret Hart will never come back to Raw and reconcile with Shawn Michaels after what happened in Montreal.
In January of 2010, Monday Night Raw had been running with its gimmick of having a guest host every week. Mostly the hosts were various celebrities and the occasional wrestler from the past. On January 4th (a night WWE was going head to head with TNA Impact), Bret Hart showed up as the guest host on Raw. It was announced a few week previously, but everyone still wondered if he would actually showed up. He did.
The ovation was one of the biggest I have ever heard. The crowd cheered for a few minutes after he hit the ring. Everyone wondered if he would call out Shawn Michaels. But DX was deeply involved in buildup for the Royal Rumble. They would never interrupt that storyline to touch on something that happened at Survivor Series almost 13 years ago.
It didn’t take long for Bret to call out Shawn. Would he come out? HBK’s music hits, and out he comes. Here were WWE’s two biggest stars of the 1990s in the ring together; rivals in the ring with legit heat between them. Both men acknowledged what happened and they mutually agreed to bury the ol’ hatchet. A handshake seemed to seal the deal.
As Shawn Michaels walked out of the ring, he turned back to look at Bret. We’ve seen this look before; he was giving the body language he gives when he’s about to deliver Sweet Chin Music. He paused, the crowd rose to its feet in anticipation. Instead, he walked to Bret and gave him a hug.
This was one of those moments I thought I would never see, and am glad I did see it. Both Bret & Shawn found the closure they needed. This was also the soul good moment of 2010 for the WWE.
The Most Shocking Moments In Wrestling (Part 2)
If you missed Part 1, go back and read it. Now, on to Part 2
PART 2
#30. HAYSTACKS ON A PLANE
Before there was Andre The Giant, there was Haystacks Calhoun. Throughout the 1950s & 60s, the 601 lb man wearing giant overalls was a huge (no pun intended) attraction in the ring. He was often booked in 2-on-1 or 3-on-1 handicap matches and Battle Royals, and winning. But it was something that Haystacks did outside of the ring that made him make THIS list!
Killer Kowalski was on WEEI, an A.M. sports radio station based out of Boston. Kowalski was from the area and owned and operated a local wrestling school. He was a frequent guest on the show and on one occasion, started telling stories about life on the road. He began talking about Haystacks Calhoun and a very long flight to Japan.
Many wrestlers were flying to an tour of Japan, Killer & Haystacks being two on board. Because he was so big, Haystacks ended up flying First Class while everyone else was stuck in Coach for the 20 hour flight. One of the many downsides to being 601 lbs is you can't fit in only one seat on a plane. Another issue is that trying to squeeze yourself into a airplane restroom is damn near impossible. Well eventually, nature calls and Haystacks feels a giant shit coming on. Remember, he's 601 lbs...you do the math about how big his turd must be.
He tries holding it for as long as he can. Eventually he can't hold it anymore and attempts to squeeze himself into the restroom. He just wouldn't fit. So the flight attendants give him a hand. He takes down his overalls (yes, he wore them in public), and evacuates his bowels into a giant trash bag being held by the flight attendants. The other wrestlers are having a huge laugh, especially Killer Kowalski. Then the smell hits them. Many passengers began getting sick as the putrid smell of Haystacks' shit filled the airplane cabin.
Now there are a few rumors as to why this happened. One is that for some reason, Haystacks only took a dump once per week. So when it did happen, it was a monumental occasion. The other is that Haystacks was a notorious ribber (always playing practical jokes). Allegedly, he used to put laxatives in other wrestlers food and this incident on the plane was payback to someone he had wronged. Either way, Haystacks got the last laugh! Because while still over the middle of the Pacific Ocean, they still had a LONG way to go until they reached Japan
#29. MUHAMMAD HASSAN
The United States has had its share of problems with the Middle East for decades. Wrestling has mirrored that and used it to spark Patriotism with its babyface heroes like Hulk Hogan & Hacksaw Jim Duggan as they battle the American bashing heels. There was the Iron Sheik in the 80s and Sgt Slaughter became an Iraqi sympathizer during the Gulf War in the early 90’s.
After the attacks on September 11th, it seemed like we would never see something like that again because it was too risky.
In 2004 the WWE signed a young man named Mark Copani; a half Italian, half Jordanian/Palestinian from Syracuse, NY. Because of how he looked, he became Muhammad Hassan, a Middle Eastern-American who condemned the American media for their stereotypes of those of Arabic decent in the post-9/11 world. He said he was an American citizen and felt that people unfairly judge him due to his heritage. The character was edgy, but interesting. He was definitely a bad guy, but you understood why he was a bad guy. He was going to get over in a BIG WAY and this kid was gonna become a BIG STAR.
This character generated A LOT of heat. There was no heel more over than Muhammad Hassan. When he entered the 2005 Royal Rumble at #13, EVERYONE in the ring turned their attention to eliminate him. Usually this happens when a guy is 400 or 500 lbs; not 235. At Wrestlemania 21 that year, he even got to wrestle a match with the ultimate American hero, Hulk Hogan. He started as a top star on Raw, but later in the year was moved to Smackdown so he could work with The Undertaker and make him a top star. A match was to be booked between them for The Great American Bash where the winner would receive a World Heavyweight Championship match at Summerslam.
One night on Smackdown, five men in black shirts, ski masks and camouflage pants rushed the ring and attacked Undertaker after he easily defeated Hassan’s manager Daivari in a match. Daivari was carried out by the masked men while Hassan appeared to be praying to Allah on the entrance ramp. Davairi was carried out like he was a martyr in what looked similar to a terrorist act.
Smackdown is filmed on a Tuesday night and airs on Friday nights. On Thursday morning, a terrorist bombing took place in London, England. Ironically, the men responsible for the attack were wearing attire very similar to what the men wore on Smackdown and were of Middle Eastern decent. Even though it was completely coincidental, the smart thing for Vince McMahon would have been to edit the broadcast and not show this on television. But Vince let his ego get in the way and he aired the segment anyway.
The media ripped WWE for broadcasting the segment. The especially lashed out at Vince when they found out that he had time to make the decision to not air the controversial segment.
Vince McMahon was told by the UPN network that the Muhammad Hassan character, image or likeness could not be seen nor mentioned on television during the Smackdown broadcast. They further said that if he did appear on their network, then WWE would lose their television deal with UPN. So with weeks until a #1 contenders match between two of the company’s biggest stars, there was no build up and one of the participants couldn't be seen or mentioned on TV.
Finally the match at The Bash took place. Originally Hassan was supposed to beat Undertaker, go on to Summerslam, and beat Batista to become World Heavyweight Champion. Because he was no longer allowed on the UPN network and future Smackdown broadcasts, Undertaker won the match.
Hassan was then going to be moved back to Raw. But amidst the controversy, USA Network didn’t want the character on their network either.
Muhammad Hassan was the top heel in the company at the time and arguably the biggest heel in WWE history…and was not allowed to be shown on television. All because WWE didn’t edit the segment that should have never been aired in the first place. This was a clear case of Vince McMahon's ego getting the better of him. 24 year old Mark Copani was released by WWE in September of that year and retired from wrestling shortly their after.
#28. THE LAND OF EXTREME BECOMES "WWECW"
I mentioned before how the 2005 One Night Stand was an ECW style event while the 2006 edition was more WWE. Vince McMahon always told Paul Heyman that the reason for the company's failure was that Heyman had to cater to the entire audience and not just a small segment. But Heyman knew how to cater to the most important part of the audience; the 18-34 year old male demographic. They wanted extreme, testosterone-fueled ass-kicking; and that's what Heyman always gave him. Since Vince was the one bringing it back, Vince wanted ECW to be more like his other WWE shows with the occasional bit of hardcore that made ECW famous. This is why Vince & Paul E. always clashed during 2006 and it all came to a head at ECW's only pay-per-view called December To Dismember.
The main event was to be an Extreme Elimination Chamber match for the ECW Heavyweight Championship. Basically it's a giant steel cage weighing 16 tons, is 32 feet in diameter, and has 2 miles of chain circling it. Plus, there would be weapons in it to make it EXTREME!!!
From the beginning, Heyman and McMahon butted heads over the event. Most importantly, who was going to be in it.
Heyman wanted The Big Show (the ECW champion), Rob Van Dam, Sabu, The Sandman, CM Punk & Elijiah Burke. Heyman's reasoning was RVD was their most popular, he felt Sabu & Sandman were MADE for this type of match, Big Show was obviously the champion, and he wanted to make stars out of Punk & Burke. Vince disagreed and wanted Test (cuz he was a big guy and we all know Vince LOVES big guys), Hardcore Holly (because of his experience) and Bobby Lashley (who was also a big guy whom Vince moved over from Smackdown without notifying Heyman). Though Heyman really pushed for Sandman, he and Vince eventually compromised and the match was advertized as Big Show, RVD, Sabu, Punk, Test & Lashley.
Big Show, who weighed around 540 lbs at the time, was going to take some time off after the ppv so he could lose some weight and the Extreme Elimination Chamber match was going to elevate a younger star and crown them champion. Paul Heyman wanted CM Punk to win because he had the look of an ECW wrestler, a good attitude, and Heyman wanted to make him a star. Vince wanted Lashley because, well, he's a big guy.
The problem was, because they stacked the main event, the rest of the show had very few big stars from ECW on the show. The Hardy Boys Vs. MNM was added last minute to beef up the rest of the card. The card only featured only 6 matches including the Extreme Elimination Chamber match. An hour before the main event, Vince decided to pull Sabu off the match and replace him with Hardcore Holly as a way to build up the new champion. Heyman was beyond pissed because Vince went over his head and the fact that Sabu was made for a match like this.
So the match starts. The first one eliminated was the man Paul Heyman wanted the belt on, CM Punk. So much for his input in the booking! Next eliminated was RVD. Ok, so now you've eliminated a rising young babyface and your most popular star. So you have Lashley vs 3 heels...gee, who are the fans supposed to root for? Lo and behold, Lashley overcomes the odds to pull off the win and becomes the new ECW Champion because that's what Vince wanted and Lashley was a big guy...and Vince likes big guys.
In the aftermath, Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman had heated arguments which eventually led to him being taken off television, off ECW's creative team, and eventually was released from the company. Vince would go on to bury ECW for the next 3 1/2 years attempting to kill its legacy. Bobby Lashley had a lengthy reign as ECW Champion but left WWE a year in a half later and wrestling all together in 2009. Great booking Vince! As for what happened to CM Punk: currently he's the top heel on Smackdown, has his own faction, is a two time Money In The Bank winner and a 4 time heavyweight champion. Maybe you should have listened to Paul Heyman!!! Vince's ego strikes again!
#27. DOUBLE VISION: PART 1
There are a number of people in the wrestling world that can say they were in the n.W.o. There are only a handful who can say they were in D-Generation X. There are even fewer who can say they have been in the n.W.o. and DX. But there is only one who can say that he was in BOTH groups AT THE SAME TIME!
Injuries led to an early retirement for Ravishing Rick Rude. He was a manager for DX which featured Triple H, Shawn Michaels & Chyna. One night while watching Raw, you would see him in the ring with DX. On that same night, during the same segment, f you changed the channel to check out Nitro, you could also see him in the n.W.o. Apparently, his contract ran out and when it did, he returned to WCW. However, since Raw was taped and Nitro was a live broadcast, he appeared on both shows in factions that were very similar at the same time!
Because he wasn't able to wrestle, eventually WCW ran out of ideas for Rude and he was released from the company. He passed away in 2000.
#26. SPOILER WARNING
WWF was experiencing poor ratings in the mid 1990s due to their product being pushed as "family entertainment" (kinda sounds like things today....maybe a sign of things to come?)
In an effort to save money during this period, WWF decided to tape Raw on a Sunday night and air it that Monday. Not having Monday Night Raw be live every week, did take some of the magic away of that "anything can happen in the WWF" that Vince always said at the time. It was too easy to just go onto the Internet and find out what happened on Raw before you actually watch the show. A few people did this; one of them was Eric Bischoff.
When Eric Bischoff took over WCW, he & Ted Turner's goal was to compete against WWF and beat Vince McMahon. So Bischoff thought of how could he gain viewers. What could he do that WWF was not doing? For one, WCW Monday Nitro was a live show. Throughout the duration of WCW Monday Nitro, they were always a live broadcast. Because Nitro was live, you couldn't look online for spoilers. If you looked online, all you would find was some mark taking his best guess as to what was going to happen. So you HAD to tune in! Bischoff knew this.
So he began thinking "Let's see, we're live and their taped. People don't know whats going to happen on my show, but I can tell them what's going to happen on their show"! So Nitro would go on the air a few minutes early, and Eric Bischoff live on Nitro, would tell the viewers what's going to happen on Raw so they wouldn't need to channel-surf and now just sit and watch WCW.
It was kind of a low-blow and a lot of people criticized Bischoff for doing it. The more people talked and complained, the more he did it. As devious as it was, it worked. Nitro's ratings began to climb till eventually they were better than Raw's. Today, Monday Night Raw is almost always live. This is just one of the ways that Eric Bischoff changed the industry forever.
#25. SANDMAN & DREAMER TEAR THE WALL DOWN
ECW never had the deep pockets of Vince McMahon or Ted Turner. Instead, they had the creative mind of Paul Heyman. Paul always had the philosophy of "accentuate the positives, hide the negatives" when it came to his product. So many of ECW's angles had to rely on true human emotion. One of the more memorable feuds of the early days of ECW was with two of their signature superstars: Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman.
They had the famous Singapore Cane Match where the loser had to get 10 lashes (real) from the cane; Dreamer lost and to this day, Sandman still carries a Singapore cane. The match carried a lot of real emotion to it. A few months later, Sandman was beating Dreamer down with the cane. In the ring, he stood over him smoking a cigarette in his face. Dreamer slapped Sandman's hand and the cigarette went into Sandman's right eye. He then dropped the cane, Dreamer picks it up and smacked Sandman in his left eye; leaving Sandman blind.
The Sandman was brought to the dressing room and you saw something you had never seen before. Here was The Sandman, a heel, hurt. Around him was almost the entire ECW locker room. Here were all "the bad guys" AND "the good guys" all around this hurt wrestler. Referees were trying to hold Dreamer back. You would expect him to try to attack Sandman, but instead he was yelling "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." This didn't feel like an angle, it felt real. Seeing the baby face good guys and the evil heels together in the back was really taboo then! It is called "breaking kayfabe". Kayfabe is a term in performance art that what you see during the performance is real. Eg: This guy really hates this other guy.
To further keep with the storyline's realism, The Sandman stayed home for a month so no one would see him around Philadelphia. He never left his house, he never answered his door. A month later he's led to the ring in a suit. He is wearing tape over his eyes and sunglasses giving the impression that he is blind and said he's going to retire due to the injury. As soon as Dreamer turned his back, Sandman peeled the blindfold off, and beat the crap out of Tommy Dreamer.
This was a great angle that really hooked the audience!
#24. LESBIAN LIPLOCK
Wrestling has always been called a "soap opera for guys". Here is one of the reasons why.
THE most memorable feud from ECW is no doubt between Tommy Dreamer and Raven. Their feud lasted throughout most of the company's duration and was recently picked up at TNA's ECW reunion show "Hardcore Justice".
The storyline was that they went to summer camp together as kids. Tommy was a jock who got along with everyone and Raven was an outcast loner. Raven came back to take his revenge on Tommy. Eventually Raven brings in a former fat girl who Tommy made fun of as a kid, and she had turned into a Playboy Playmate named Beulah McGiliguty. She became Raven's girl.
One night at the ECW Arena, Beulah announced that she was pregnant. Raven didn't seem sure it was his so he beat up another of his lackeys, Stevie Richards, suspecting it was him. Beulah looked at Raven and said "It's Tommy's." The crowd went nuts as Dreamer hit the ring and beat up Raven.
Weeks later, Shane Douglass tells Tommy that Beulah was cheating on him and that she was never pregnant. Tommy is expecting it to be another wrestler. Instead it was Shane Douglass's valet, an Asian girl called Kimona Wanalaya (may be the best name EVER). Beulah and Kimona made out in the middle of the ring. It was the first lesbian angle in the history of wrestling. ECW always had very little regular TV syndication; they had even less after this incident.
#23. HALLOWEEN HAVOC ENDS EARLY
WCW Halloween Havoc was usually a decent pay-per-view. 1998s event featured a Double Main Event. For the WCW Championship, you had Goldberg Vs. Diamond Dallas Page and the long awaited Wrestlemania VI rematch between Hollywood Hulk Hogan and The Warrior. The main event sounded like it would be epic. Well it wasn't, and that's not even the HALF of it.
Hogan & Warrior's long awaited rematch has been notoriously regarded as one of the worst matches in wrestling history. Their timing was completely off, there was no chemistry between them, there were a lot of blown spots, and the match dragged on longer than expected. There was a part where Hogan was supposed to lite some flash paper in Warrior's face so he would be blinded by the fire and Hogan would be able to beat on him while he was blind. First, Hogan couldn't get the props out of his tights. Then he couldn't get the lighter to work. When it finally did, the flash paper burst into flames...in Hogan's face...with his back to The Warrior...and Warrior sold it anyway! UG! The match dragged and dragged and dragged until Bischoff distracted the ref, Horace came in and hit Warrior in the back with a chair, and Hogan pinned Warrior for the win. This got Hogan his loss back from WM6 and Warrior was never seen in WCW again.
Well, that match sucked serious balls but at least we still have the WCW Championship match. So DDP & Goldberg hit the ring to standing ovations. They lock up, Goldberg throws DDP to the mat. DDP stands up, they tie up again, and the pay-per-view ends. Fade to black. 3 minutes into the championship main event, the pay-per-view goes off the air.
Because WCW Nitro was Turner Broadcasting's highest rated show, Bischoff was allowed to do pretty much whatever he wanted. That included going on the air early and staying on later than their scheduled 11pm end time. Someone forgot to tell Bischoff that about pay-per-views, he can't do that unless he specifies before the event.
Because of the incident, WCW received thousands of complaints from those who bought the ppv. WCW ended up having to reimburse everyone who paid $24.95 for the pay-per-view because the company never delivered on the main event. WCW lost a lot of potential revenue on this fiasco and this quickly began the company's downward spiral.
#22 . DOUBLE VISION: PART 2
Wrestlemania III featured the epic main event between Hulk Hogan & Andre The Giant in front of 93,173 fans in the Pontiac Silverdome. They feuded throughout the remainder of 1987. But the one thing that never happened, was a rematch between the two mega-stars. Finally in February of 1988, THE REMATCH took place on network TV on a show simply called "The Main Event" (not to be confused with Saturday Night's Main Event)
The storyline was more than just a rematch. Hogan famously bodyslammed Andre at the end of their WM3 match. He attemtped it early on in the match, and Andre fell on him. The referee counted to 2, but Bobby "The Brain" Heenan claimed that Hogan's shoulder was down. So almost a year later, we get the rematch to see who REALLY is the WWF Champion.
The match goes on with Hogan and Andre. Andre has the Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase and Virgil and ringside along with Bobby Heenan. The referee was Dave Hebner. Andre delivers a belly-to-belly suplex to Hogan. Hogan's shoulder is clearly up, and Dave Hebner counts 3 making Andre The Giant the new WWF Champion. Hogan protested and fans nearly rioted. Suddenly anther referee comes down to the ring to right the wrongs of Dave Hebner. And that referee was...Dave Hebner. The two Hebners are in the ring arguing the decision while Hogan and the crowd stood in shock. Hogan took the evil Hebner and threw him out of the ring.
It turns out that Dave Hebner has a twin brother named Earl Hebner. Both were under contract for WWF for about 20 years. Andre The Giant gave the WWF Championship to Ted DiBiase but WWF "President" Jack Tunney ruled the title vacant and that a tournament would take place at Wrestlemania IV to crown a new champion. Hogan and Andre would receive a first round bye and square off in the quarter finals.
Earl Hebner eventually became a full time referee while Dave remained a backstage official. Earl will be seen later in another of wrestling's most shocking moments.
#21. TNA: TOTAL NONSTOP ANGLE
ECW was and always know for its violence. But it also had some of the best wrestling. Guys like Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit & Chris Jericho used ECW to springboard their careers.
When ECW was brought back in 2006, Paul Heyman was granted to draft pics for his the company's re-launch. From Raw, he obviously chose RVD. From Smackdown, to the shock of many, he chose Kurt Angle. Angle had his share of issues with Heyman and ECW in the past so this was very surprising. Angle was doing his "Wrestling Machine" gimmick which was almost like watching a MMA fighter in the ring. He was REALLY popular with the fans, brought a renewed intensity to the ring, and seemed like he was really motivated. A wrestler hasn't had that intensity in ECW since Taz. This was my favorite part of Kurt Angle's career because it just felt "real". I was really excited for him in the new ECW.
He had a match at 2006's One Night Stand and totally made Randy Orton his bitch. The crowd was brutal to Cena, but Orton didn't exactly have it easy (a fan punched him in the arm as he walked to the ring). Kurt is so good, that he can have a 5 star with just about anyone. Well, almost anyone.
The problem was, after the feud with Orton, there was no one who could keep up with Angle in the ring. Do you think The Sandman could go hold-for-hold with an Olympic Gold Medalist?
Eventually, injuries started creeping up with him. He asked for and was granted release to deal with "personal issues". Angle had legit had some serious injuries, marital problems and abuse of prescription painkillers. Many thought we wouldn't see Kurt Angle again or at least not anytime soon.
Three months later, it was announced that he signed with TNA Wrestling. It was a shock that he was coming back in the first place (so soon as well), and with another organization! Angle coming to TNA is definitely the free agent signing of the decade. Hulk Hogan signing with WCW in the 1990s was what Kurt Angle signing with TNA in 2006 was. It made TNA a major player in the wrestling world.
Angle sort of unofficially continued his Wrestling Machine gimmick into TNA by feuding with Samoe Joe, making Joe a star in TNA. He has remained one of TNA's top stars since then.
The Most Shocking Moments In Wrestling (Part 1)
Every few years, wrestling goes through a lull where it essentially becomes boring and unwatchable. Horrible storylines, horrible writing, ultimately leading to horrible in-ring work. 1983 was one of those years (just before Hogan came to WWF and Vince Jr. took over his father’s business), 1993 was another (before ECW got extreme and WWF had cartoon characters instead of sports-entertainers), and 2004 (one word: Eugene). It looks like 2010 is going to be one of those years as well and possibly 2011.
So I needed a reminder of why I am a wrestling fan for going on 25 years now.
With so many moments in wrestling etched into my memory, it was tough to choose only 10. Hence, I chose 40. These are the most memorable moments in wrestling history to me. Some were good, some were bad, but they all were shocking to me. So here are the Most Shocking Moments In Wrestling according to me.
PART 1
#40. THE STREAK
Undefeated streaks in pro wrestling don’t mean a whole hell of a lot. How many choreographed matches with predetermined outcomes you can win in a row, isn’t really much to brag about. Yes, Goldberg had a memorable undefeated streak, but then again, so did Tatanka.
There is only one streak that matters in sports-entertainment and that belongs to the legendary Undertaker. The Deadman’s Wrestlemania undefeated streak is worth noting because it is a testament to how great a performer he is. Beginning in 1991 when he defeated “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka, he has been carrying an 18-0 record on the grandest stage of them all with no end in sight. Interesting to note that before that match at Wrestlemania VII, Gorilla Monsoon called Snuka: “The Phenom”. His first few wins (Snuka, Jake The Snake, & King Kong Bundy), were against veterans who needed to pass the torch and get ‘Taker over. As the streak continued he got victories over everyone from rising stars (Randy Orton, Batista) to legends (Ric Flair), giants (Kane, Big Show, Mark Henry) and the biggest stars in the biz (Triple H, Edge, Shawn Michaels).
The Undertaker is one of the all time greats in this business and The Streak is a legacy that will never be repeated. No wrestler in history or in the future will ever receive such an honor, an honor that Mark Calloway has earned. As Undertaker enters most likely the end of his career the question looms, will anyone end the streak? Losing to a veteran or legend doesn’t make sense. Losing to a young star to elevate them is more likely, but you never really know what road lies ahead for them.
#39. JEFF HARDY GETS BUSTED
Jeff Hardy has always been a free spirit. Like many performers in the industry, he has had his “demons” which he dealt with substance abuse.
In 2003, he had a Wellness Policy violation which got him suspended. WWE ordered him to rehab and he refused. Because of his refusal, Jeff Hardy was then released by WWE and shortly thereafter, arrived in TNA. A few years later in 2006, he returned to Raw. Eventually, he had another violation and was suspended yet again. If he was suspended a third time, he would forever join the “future endeavors club”.
At the end of 2008, he finally got the big push and defeated Triple H & Edge and became WWE Champion. In 2009, after a few more reigns as World Heavyweight Champion, he began feuding with CM Punk. Punk had just turned heel and was preaching his Straight Edge message and condemned Hardy on camera for his off camera problems with addiction. Eventually, Hardy lost to Punk as his contract expired. He left WWE to “take a break” and focus on life outside of wrestling.
A month into his break from wrestling, police raided Hardy’s house and found hundreds of prescription pills like Vicodin & Soma, anabolic steroids, cocaine, and drug paraphernalia. He was arrested on possession & charges of drug trafficking.
Hardy has not returned to WWE since the incident and currently is working for TNA (despite his negative comments about the company in the past). His case is still pending in court.
#38. LOVE TRIANGLE
Matt Hardy & Lita were a real couple both on screen and off. They were immensely popular together. Things seemed to be happy for the couple.
In 2004, Matt tore the ACL in his right knee and was going to be out of action for nearly a year. During his recovery time, he was released from the company. Lita was still working for WWE during his absence. So in addition to being injured, losing his job, he also can’t see the woman he loves. It turns out, Lita was keeping her time occupied with another in Hardy’s absence; his close friend and in ring rival Edge.
News broke on the internet about the story. Edge had just turned heel so the timing actually worked in his favor. During an episode of Byte This on WWE.com, Matt Hardy (who was still not a part of the company), called in and berated Edge and kept asking Lita why she did what she did. Hardy kept calling them Amy and Adam (Lita & Edge's real names) during the broadcast. It was a very intense and personal moment. The internet was going crazy over the story.
Matt Hardy eventually was brought back to the company after reconciling with both Edge & Lita, and even worked the situation into a very personal on camera angle. Fans were into it because it was real. Reality storylines are definitely more interesting, but I always wondered how Hardy could actually go through with the angle.
In the end, Edge became a big star and the company’s top heel, Lita quit wrestling after her and Edge broke up, and WWE has no idea what to do with Matt Hardy while he remains stuck in mid-card hell.
#37. A 800 POUND SUPER-PLEX
Brock Lesnar was a beast. Like any beast, it’s almost a rite of passage to see if you can take down the biggest animal in the jungle. In WWE, that would be The Big Show.
They had a heated rivalry in 2004. Lesnar could pick up Show and even deliver his finisher, the F5, to him. But on an episode of Smackdown, something happened NO ONE was expecting.
For some reason, Big Show ended up on the top rope. Lesnar stopped him and climbed up with him. The crowd quickly rose to their feet. What was he going to do? He’s not…NO…he can’t super-plex Big Show! Lesnar was near 300 lbs with Show being well over 500 lbs. Lesnar picks up the World’s Largest Athlete in a super-plex, as the fall to the ring, the flashbulbs go off in the crowd. Then they crash to the mat, and the ring EXPLODES! The ring collapses, the ropes topple over, and the ref falls on his ass. Even Tazz dropped a “Holy shit” on TV from the shock.
Today, Brock has left his WWE days long behind him and is currently the UFC heavyweight champion. He did have a very successful career in sports-entertainment as a multi-time champion and leaving one very iconic moment.
#36. THE TAIPEI DEATH MATCH
Some match ideas should never be repeated…this is one of them.
In 1995 at ECW Hardcore Heaven, Paul Heyman threw together the idea to have a match with brothers Axl & Ian Rotten that would go down as one of the most violent matches of all time. In a Taipei Death Match, the participants first tape their fists with athletic tape. Generally in a Taped Fist Match, punches are thrown with a little more velocity to add to the “realism”. Well once the Rottens’ fists were taped, they were then dipped in glue and covered with pieces of broken glass.
Of course, you can cut yourself or someone with broken glass. But when random pieces of random shapes, sizes, and sharpness are glued to parts of your hands, there really is no way to control where or how badly you will make your opponent bleed.
Axl & Ian looked like a couple of used tampons on Day 2 of a period when the match was over. This was the bloodiest match I’ve ever seen. Even during the most hardcore days of hardcore wrestling, there was never another Taipei Death Match. I think this is a good thing.
#35. DAM THE CENATION
In 2006, Rob Van Dam won the Money In The Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania 22. This was also the same year that it was announced that not only would there be another ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view, but the organization would be coming back full time. RVD announced on Raw that he was going to cash in his championship opportunity at ECW’s re-launch pay-per-view against WWE champion and golden boy, John Cena.
There was a big difference between 2005’s ECW One Night Stand and 2006’s. ‘05’s was intended to be a one-off reunion show so Vince gave Paul Heyman full creative control of the show; and you can totally tell. ’06 was a different story. Paul was running the show, but Vince had the final say; and it shows. The matches were a lot more tame than the previous year; with the exception of the Dreamer/Funk/Beulah Vs Edge/Foley/Lita match.
But there was one thing Vince could not control: the ECW fans.
The tone of the night was set with one poster that was draped from the first row in the balcony seats. The sign read, “If Cena Wins, We Riot”. I believe 100%, that if he did win, violence would erupt. This was not a WWE friendly crowd. This was the diehard, hardcore, cult-like fans of ECW. RVD was their savior and Cena was the Anti-Christ. But when the biggest star in WWE came to the ring (Cena), he received more than just an aggressive round of boos.
He took off his shirt and threw it into the crowd. For the first time ever, and since, they through it back…several times. There was lots of “you suck” chants from the always vocal crowd. Then they got worse. Fans chanted “you can’t wrestle”, if he hit one of his signature moves you heard “same old shit”, and of course “fuck you Cena”.
Eventually, RVD won the title and the crowd exploded with cheers. For years, he was considered the greatest wrestler to never be world champion. On this night, he reached the top of the mountain.
This was hands down the scariest wrestling crowd ever.
#34. SHANE DOUGLAS DISSES THE NWA
Before it was Extreme Championship Wrestling, NWA Eastern Championship Wrestling was a regional promotion in Philadelphia. Paul Heyman wanted to break away from the NWA and have ECW stand on its own.
The NWA World Heavyweight Championship has a long history which can be traced back to the early 1900s. It was last seen in what eventually became WCW where guys like Harley Race, Ricky Steamboat, Dusty Rhodes, Barry Windham & Ric Flair held the belt.
A tournament was set to crown a new NWA champion. In the finals, Shane Douglas defeated 2 Cold Scorpio. Douglas took the belt in hand; he also took the microphone. He delivered a promo that shook the wrestling world. He praised the NWA for its rich history and acknowledged those who came before him. Then he threw the belt down and said he would not carry on that lineage and told those former champions and the organization, “to all kiss…my…ass!”
He stated that the NWA was a dead promotion and that ECW was the future of wrestling. Instead of being crowned the NWA world heavyweight champion, he declared himself the new ECW champion. The shocked crowd broke into erupting applause and began chanting “E-C-W…E-C-W…E-C-W…”
Paul Heyman broke ties with the National Wrestling Alliance after this night and the hardcore revolution of ECW began!
#33. CACTUS JACK LOSES AN EAR
Almost a decade before he got thrown off a cage, Mick Foley was cementing his legacy as a hardcore legend wherever he could get booked.
One night during a WCW tour of Germany, Foley wrestling as Cactus Jack, had a match with the 450 lb Vader. Foley used to do a spot where someone would throw him into the ropes, when he hit, he would fling himself over in a way that he would end up hanging himself in the ropes by his neck (safely). Earlier in the night, a wrestler complained that the ropes were too loose and the ring crew had come down to tighten them in between matches. Apparently, they tightened them a little too much.
As Foley was in the ropes, they began to legitimately choke him. Foley struggled to free himself, but they got stuck under his left ear. He was able to free himself, but two-thirds of his ear was ripped off. Fans gasped as he bled profusely out of what used to be his ear.
After the match, Foley had the detached part of his ear reattached. To this day, his ear remains deformed from the incident.
#32. MADUSA TRASHES WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
In 1993, the WWF reinstated the Women’s Championship and crowned Debra Miceli as champion. In WCW, she wrestled as Madusa and in WWF she went under the name Alundra Blayze. She was a very talented wrestler, but unfortunately, had no one as talented to work with in WWF. In 1995, when her contract with WWF was up, she returned to WCW…with her former company’s belt.
On a live episode of WCW Monday Nitro, she walked up to the announce booth with Steve McMichael, Bobby Heenan, and Eric Bischoff. In one hand was a small trash bucket, in the other was the WWF Women’s Championship. On live TV, she threw the belt in the trash declaring that the belt was “garbage”. A few years earlier, Ric Flair came to WWF with the WCW Championship belt and carried it around. Flair believed that he “owned” the belt, which technically, he did. But he never disrespected it on TV. Bischoff claimed that by convincing Madusa (against her will) to throw the WWF Women’s Championship in the garbage was payback of some sort for Flair and to make a statement in the Monday night war.
Madusa didn’t do a whole heck of a lot in WCW after that. She has openly admitted that she regretted the infamous act.
Today, the WWE Women’s Championship, metaphorically speaking, is still in the garbage and has been for years.
#31. SID VICIOUS SNAPS
"Psycho" Sid Vicious has always been a little on edge. One night on WCW Nitro, part of him just snapped.
Sid bounced back and forth between WWF & WCW during the 1990s winning each company's heavyweight championship on more than one occasion.
In 2001, WCW was getting killed in the Monday night war with WWF and was months away from going out of business. At the Sin pay-per-view in January, the main event featured a 4-way match between Vicious, Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett & Road Warrior Animal for the WCW Championship.
The rumor was that backstage, a few WCW officials told Sid to "expand his arsenal" and try some new moves in the ring. Sid was perched on the second rope when Steiner turned around. Sid leaped off the rope and kicked Steiner in the face with his right foot and landed on his left. Sid quickly fell to the ground. Many thought Sid just slipped and fell upon landing. However that was not the case.
On impact, Sid Vicious fractured his lower leg by breaking his tibia and fibula bones in half. One of the bones even poked through the skin. I had never known about the injury because I was mostly watching WWF Monday Night Raw. For some reason I tuned into the Nitro right after the Sin pay-per-view and the aired the injury.
This was hands down, the worst injury I have ever seen in wrestling. It was reminiscent of when Lawerence Taylor broke Joe Theisman's leg on Monday Night Football.
So I needed a reminder of why I am a wrestling fan for going on 25 years now.
With so many moments in wrestling etched into my memory, it was tough to choose only 10. Hence, I chose 40. These are the most memorable moments in wrestling history to me. Some were good, some were bad, but they all were shocking to me. So here are the Most Shocking Moments In Wrestling according to me.
PART 1
#40. THE STREAK
Undefeated streaks in pro wrestling don’t mean a whole hell of a lot. How many choreographed matches with predetermined outcomes you can win in a row, isn’t really much to brag about. Yes, Goldberg had a memorable undefeated streak, but then again, so did Tatanka.
There is only one streak that matters in sports-entertainment and that belongs to the legendary Undertaker. The Deadman’s Wrestlemania undefeated streak is worth noting because it is a testament to how great a performer he is. Beginning in 1991 when he defeated “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka, he has been carrying an 18-0 record on the grandest stage of them all with no end in sight. Interesting to note that before that match at Wrestlemania VII, Gorilla Monsoon called Snuka: “The Phenom”. His first few wins (Snuka, Jake The Snake, & King Kong Bundy), were against veterans who needed to pass the torch and get ‘Taker over. As the streak continued he got victories over everyone from rising stars (Randy Orton, Batista) to legends (Ric Flair), giants (Kane, Big Show, Mark Henry) and the biggest stars in the biz (Triple H, Edge, Shawn Michaels).
The Undertaker is one of the all time greats in this business and The Streak is a legacy that will never be repeated. No wrestler in history or in the future will ever receive such an honor, an honor that Mark Calloway has earned. As Undertaker enters most likely the end of his career the question looms, will anyone end the streak? Losing to a veteran or legend doesn’t make sense. Losing to a young star to elevate them is more likely, but you never really know what road lies ahead for them.
#39. JEFF HARDY GETS BUSTED
Jeff Hardy has always been a free spirit. Like many performers in the industry, he has had his “demons” which he dealt with substance abuse.
In 2003, he had a Wellness Policy violation which got him suspended. WWE ordered him to rehab and he refused. Because of his refusal, Jeff Hardy was then released by WWE and shortly thereafter, arrived in TNA. A few years later in 2006, he returned to Raw. Eventually, he had another violation and was suspended yet again. If he was suspended a third time, he would forever join the “future endeavors club”.
At the end of 2008, he finally got the big push and defeated Triple H & Edge and became WWE Champion. In 2009, after a few more reigns as World Heavyweight Champion, he began feuding with CM Punk. Punk had just turned heel and was preaching his Straight Edge message and condemned Hardy on camera for his off camera problems with addiction. Eventually, Hardy lost to Punk as his contract expired. He left WWE to “take a break” and focus on life outside of wrestling.
A month into his break from wrestling, police raided Hardy’s house and found hundreds of prescription pills like Vicodin & Soma, anabolic steroids, cocaine, and drug paraphernalia. He was arrested on possession & charges of drug trafficking.
Hardy has not returned to WWE since the incident and currently is working for TNA (despite his negative comments about the company in the past). His case is still pending in court.
#38. LOVE TRIANGLE
Matt Hardy & Lita were a real couple both on screen and off. They were immensely popular together. Things seemed to be happy for the couple.
In 2004, Matt tore the ACL in his right knee and was going to be out of action for nearly a year. During his recovery time, he was released from the company. Lita was still working for WWE during his absence. So in addition to being injured, losing his job, he also can’t see the woman he loves. It turns out, Lita was keeping her time occupied with another in Hardy’s absence; his close friend and in ring rival Edge.
News broke on the internet about the story. Edge had just turned heel so the timing actually worked in his favor. During an episode of Byte This on WWE.com, Matt Hardy (who was still not a part of the company), called in and berated Edge and kept asking Lita why she did what she did. Hardy kept calling them Amy and Adam (Lita & Edge's real names) during the broadcast. It was a very intense and personal moment. The internet was going crazy over the story.
Matt Hardy eventually was brought back to the company after reconciling with both Edge & Lita, and even worked the situation into a very personal on camera angle. Fans were into it because it was real. Reality storylines are definitely more interesting, but I always wondered how Hardy could actually go through with the angle.
In the end, Edge became a big star and the company’s top heel, Lita quit wrestling after her and Edge broke up, and WWE has no idea what to do with Matt Hardy while he remains stuck in mid-card hell.
#37. A 800 POUND SUPER-PLEX
Brock Lesnar was a beast. Like any beast, it’s almost a rite of passage to see if you can take down the biggest animal in the jungle. In WWE, that would be The Big Show.
They had a heated rivalry in 2004. Lesnar could pick up Show and even deliver his finisher, the F5, to him. But on an episode of Smackdown, something happened NO ONE was expecting.
For some reason, Big Show ended up on the top rope. Lesnar stopped him and climbed up with him. The crowd quickly rose to their feet. What was he going to do? He’s not…NO…he can’t super-plex Big Show! Lesnar was near 300 lbs with Show being well over 500 lbs. Lesnar picks up the World’s Largest Athlete in a super-plex, as the fall to the ring, the flashbulbs go off in the crowd. Then they crash to the mat, and the ring EXPLODES! The ring collapses, the ropes topple over, and the ref falls on his ass. Even Tazz dropped a “Holy shit” on TV from the shock.
Today, Brock has left his WWE days long behind him and is currently the UFC heavyweight champion. He did have a very successful career in sports-entertainment as a multi-time champion and leaving one very iconic moment.
#36. THE TAIPEI DEATH MATCH
Some match ideas should never be repeated…this is one of them.
In 1995 at ECW Hardcore Heaven, Paul Heyman threw together the idea to have a match with brothers Axl & Ian Rotten that would go down as one of the most violent matches of all time. In a Taipei Death Match, the participants first tape their fists with athletic tape. Generally in a Taped Fist Match, punches are thrown with a little more velocity to add to the “realism”. Well once the Rottens’ fists were taped, they were then dipped in glue and covered with pieces of broken glass.
Of course, you can cut yourself or someone with broken glass. But when random pieces of random shapes, sizes, and sharpness are glued to parts of your hands, there really is no way to control where or how badly you will make your opponent bleed.
Axl & Ian looked like a couple of used tampons on Day 2 of a period when the match was over. This was the bloodiest match I’ve ever seen. Even during the most hardcore days of hardcore wrestling, there was never another Taipei Death Match. I think this is a good thing.
#35. DAM THE CENATION
In 2006, Rob Van Dam won the Money In The Bank Ladder Match at Wrestlemania 22. This was also the same year that it was announced that not only would there be another ECW One Night Stand pay-per-view, but the organization would be coming back full time. RVD announced on Raw that he was going to cash in his championship opportunity at ECW’s re-launch pay-per-view against WWE champion and golden boy, John Cena.
There was a big difference between 2005’s ECW One Night Stand and 2006’s. ‘05’s was intended to be a one-off reunion show so Vince gave Paul Heyman full creative control of the show; and you can totally tell. ’06 was a different story. Paul was running the show, but Vince had the final say; and it shows. The matches were a lot more tame than the previous year; with the exception of the Dreamer/Funk/Beulah Vs Edge/Foley/Lita match.
But there was one thing Vince could not control: the ECW fans.
The tone of the night was set with one poster that was draped from the first row in the balcony seats. The sign read, “If Cena Wins, We Riot”. I believe 100%, that if he did win, violence would erupt. This was not a WWE friendly crowd. This was the diehard, hardcore, cult-like fans of ECW. RVD was their savior and Cena was the Anti-Christ. But when the biggest star in WWE came to the ring (Cena), he received more than just an aggressive round of boos.
He took off his shirt and threw it into the crowd. For the first time ever, and since, they through it back…several times. There was lots of “you suck” chants from the always vocal crowd. Then they got worse. Fans chanted “you can’t wrestle”, if he hit one of his signature moves you heard “same old shit”, and of course “fuck you Cena”.
Eventually, RVD won the title and the crowd exploded with cheers. For years, he was considered the greatest wrestler to never be world champion. On this night, he reached the top of the mountain.
This was hands down the scariest wrestling crowd ever.
#34. SHANE DOUGLAS DISSES THE NWA
Before it was Extreme Championship Wrestling, NWA Eastern Championship Wrestling was a regional promotion in Philadelphia. Paul Heyman wanted to break away from the NWA and have ECW stand on its own.
The NWA World Heavyweight Championship has a long history which can be traced back to the early 1900s. It was last seen in what eventually became WCW where guys like Harley Race, Ricky Steamboat, Dusty Rhodes, Barry Windham & Ric Flair held the belt.
A tournament was set to crown a new NWA champion. In the finals, Shane Douglas defeated 2 Cold Scorpio. Douglas took the belt in hand; he also took the microphone. He delivered a promo that shook the wrestling world. He praised the NWA for its rich history and acknowledged those who came before him. Then he threw the belt down and said he would not carry on that lineage and told those former champions and the organization, “to all kiss…my…ass!”
He stated that the NWA was a dead promotion and that ECW was the future of wrestling. Instead of being crowned the NWA world heavyweight champion, he declared himself the new ECW champion. The shocked crowd broke into erupting applause and began chanting “E-C-W…E-C-W…E-C-W…”
Paul Heyman broke ties with the National Wrestling Alliance after this night and the hardcore revolution of ECW began!
#33. CACTUS JACK LOSES AN EAR
Almost a decade before he got thrown off a cage, Mick Foley was cementing his legacy as a hardcore legend wherever he could get booked.
One night during a WCW tour of Germany, Foley wrestling as Cactus Jack, had a match with the 450 lb Vader. Foley used to do a spot where someone would throw him into the ropes, when he hit, he would fling himself over in a way that he would end up hanging himself in the ropes by his neck (safely). Earlier in the night, a wrestler complained that the ropes were too loose and the ring crew had come down to tighten them in between matches. Apparently, they tightened them a little too much.
As Foley was in the ropes, they began to legitimately choke him. Foley struggled to free himself, but they got stuck under his left ear. He was able to free himself, but two-thirds of his ear was ripped off. Fans gasped as he bled profusely out of what used to be his ear.
After the match, Foley had the detached part of his ear reattached. To this day, his ear remains deformed from the incident.
#32. MADUSA TRASHES WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP
In 1993, the WWF reinstated the Women’s Championship and crowned Debra Miceli as champion. In WCW, she wrestled as Madusa and in WWF she went under the name Alundra Blayze. She was a very talented wrestler, but unfortunately, had no one as talented to work with in WWF. In 1995, when her contract with WWF was up, she returned to WCW…with her former company’s belt.
On a live episode of WCW Monday Nitro, she walked up to the announce booth with Steve McMichael, Bobby Heenan, and Eric Bischoff. In one hand was a small trash bucket, in the other was the WWF Women’s Championship. On live TV, she threw the belt in the trash declaring that the belt was “garbage”. A few years earlier, Ric Flair came to WWF with the WCW Championship belt and carried it around. Flair believed that he “owned” the belt, which technically, he did. But he never disrespected it on TV. Bischoff claimed that by convincing Madusa (against her will) to throw the WWF Women’s Championship in the garbage was payback of some sort for Flair and to make a statement in the Monday night war.
Madusa didn’t do a whole heck of a lot in WCW after that. She has openly admitted that she regretted the infamous act.
Today, the WWE Women’s Championship, metaphorically speaking, is still in the garbage and has been for years.
#31. SID VICIOUS SNAPS
"Psycho" Sid Vicious has always been a little on edge. One night on WCW Nitro, part of him just snapped.
Sid bounced back and forth between WWF & WCW during the 1990s winning each company's heavyweight championship on more than one occasion.
In 2001, WCW was getting killed in the Monday night war with WWF and was months away from going out of business. At the Sin pay-per-view in January, the main event featured a 4-way match between Vicious, Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett & Road Warrior Animal for the WCW Championship.
The rumor was that backstage, a few WCW officials told Sid to "expand his arsenal" and try some new moves in the ring. Sid was perched on the second rope when Steiner turned around. Sid leaped off the rope and kicked Steiner in the face with his right foot and landed on his left. Sid quickly fell to the ground. Many thought Sid just slipped and fell upon landing. However that was not the case.
On impact, Sid Vicious fractured his lower leg by breaking his tibia and fibula bones in half. One of the bones even poked through the skin. I had never known about the injury because I was mostly watching WWF Monday Night Raw. For some reason I tuned into the Nitro right after the Sin pay-per-view and the aired the injury.
This was hands down, the worst injury I have ever seen in wrestling. It was reminiscent of when Lawerence Taylor broke Joe Theisman's leg on Monday Night Football.
Generation A.D.D.
My dad was born in 1948. Actually, there was quite a lot of people born during this era. This was period in history is famously called "The Baby Boom". This was probably the highest rate of births in American history. Apparently after World War II ended, soldiers had to catch up on all the fuckin' they missed while they were off killing Nazis.
Fast-forward a few years, and the 1960s roll around. The younger generation saw there parents as "square" and did whatever possible to not live their lives like the generation before them. This is where people decided to take drugs, the birth control pill was invented so some real fuckin' took place, and everyone Tuned In, Turned On & Dropped Out. This rebellion lasted all through the 70's and into the early 80s. This rebellious era is commonly referred to as Generation X.
I was born in 1980 (most of my friends were born around the same time). I guess because it was the next letter in the alphabet, but my generation was christened Generation Y. Why? How the fuck should I know! If I knew the real answer, I'd probably be getting paid for writing bullshit like this! Anyway, my generation seems obsessed with staying young. On average, we are getting married later in life, having kids later, and even living with mom and dad longer. Some of us are still obsessed with things from our childhood like Nintendo & Transformers...or maybe that's just me :)
Anyway, the common theme with the Baby Boomers, Gen X & Gen Y, is that they are all doing their best to not be like the era before them and they are stuck in their own ways. The Baby Boomers look down on Gen X the same way Gen X looks down on Gen Y.
Which leads me to this generation of kids. Would they be called Generation Z ? No because that's less creative than calling my era Generation Y. So since somebody has to be creative, I will call this generation: Generation A.D.D. There's a few reasons for this. The biggest one is I keep hearing of a lot of kids having Attention Deficit Disorder. Did this condition just show up one day with no explanation or are doctors just recognizing and diagnosing it more? The same thing can be said for Autism, but thats a blog for another day. Maybe kids just aren't interested in what older people have to say. Maybe we can't admit that we as Gen Y or older are just boring.
As in all those that came before them, this generation is trying to be as far removed from their parents as possible. What I find the most unique about Generation A.D.D. is that EVERYBODY from previous generations are trying to be like them! Don't believe me? How many text messages do you send per day versus how many phone calls you make? More specifically, when did one of your friends try calling you, you don't answer, then write them a 100 word text in response? How many people around age 30 are obsessed with the Twilight Saga?
The biggest culprit for us all having A.D.D. is no doubt: technology. Because of technology, we ALL have A.D.D. of some sort. No, that is not my general stereotype; YOU have A.D.D!!! That's the gospel according to Franky. What's ironic is that we're such slaves to technology that no matter how advanced our technology is, we need it faster. Have you ever been on YouTube and were waiting for a video to load up, just so you could see that kitten attack his shadow? Remember when we all had 56K modems and had to get our Internet through the phone and how long that would take today?
I also think its strange that technology is supposed to make communication easier, but yet we hardly communicate; at least in person. I was bartending last night for a private event that had around 100 people.
No matter where you looked or how many people were in the group, SOMEBODY (usually more than one person) was using their phone. There were a few guys obviously hitting on women, and yet they were both on their phones. And yet, I'm still sure that dude got laid! How often to you avoid face-to-face communication only to stick with text, Instant Messaging, email, Facebook, etc? Ever notice how sarcasm and the tonality of your voice doesn't translate well over there mediums? How much drama or fights between close friends and family gets started this way?
But just saying technology is the root of all evil and the reason for our A.D.D. is an unfair stereotype. Granted, technology has truly made our lives better and easier. Think of all the advancements the car industry has made to improve gas milage and driver safety. Or how email is so much better than writing a letter and spending 40 cents to send it the old fashioned way. And that whole Internet thing is pretty neato too!
To narrow it down, I blame three specific things for the reason why we all have A.D.D.
1). CNN
When 9/11 happened, we were all glued to CNN. We wanted to know every bit of information we could get our hands on. What happened, who did it, why they did it, how many died, who died, what the next step was, what the President was going to do (after his vacation), etc. Because we were desperate for information, this was the first time that I noticed that scroll across the bottom of the screen on CNN. This was new. While the news anchor was talking and we were watching the news like we always did, there was this text of other news stories across the bottom of the screen. The most important things would be scrolling like info on Osama bin Laden, the clean-up efforts, charity work, and other 9/11 related stories. Then there would be other news stories, the weather, the stock market, etc. As months went by, CNN decided to keep the scroll. You would now and forever be able to hear a reporter talk about one story while reading about an unrelated one at the same time. Two news stories going on simultaneously. Now every news program and channel from here to Timfuckjew would have the scrolling text on the bottom of the screen. ESPN took it even one step further by having the main story, the scroll on the bottom, and now on the side of the screen you could see the upcoming stories that would be discussed next. That's right...THREE different news stories at once! As technology advanced, now we have the main story in the center, the scroll on the bottom, a small weather icon, the Dow number, what time it is, sports scores...AND YOU WONDER WHY WE ALL HAVE A.D.D?!?!
2). The iPhone (and the rip-offs its spawned)
I love my Droid phone, but I am man enough to say that it is an iPhone rip-off (a damn good one at that). I want to conduct a little exercise with whoever is reading this; so just play along. Here's what I want you to imagine. Pretend you had a time machine; again, just play along! So you've got your time machine, and you were going to travel back 15 years. Got it? OK, so it's 1995 again. Sorry, but you're stuck listening to Hootie & The Blowfish & The Cranberries and Boston sports team suck balls again. Anyway, now you're going go to talk to your younger self. Here's what I want you to do: try explaining the iPhone to them. The Internet was new to a lot of us then (I didn't even know what the fuck it was at the time), so was Email, and most people thought cellular telephones were an $8/minute fad. Now from the palm of your hand you can communicate with anyone on the planet, communicate with multiple people at the same time, visit websites across the globe, check your stock portfolio, pay bills, buy shit, listen to music, watch videos/movies/porn, find directions to various locations, play games, and waste time. I know its hard to envision because we have it right now. But think about explaining that to yourself 15 years ago!! That's like some real Star Trek shit!
3). Facebook
I know, it sounds contradictory coming from me since I waste more time on FB than I'd like to openly admit. We are so wrapped around technology's finger and full of ourselves, that we actually think that people give a shit about what we're doing! Think of how many social situations like parites, night outs, gatherings, etc where you see people (or yourself) updating their Facebook status...or emailing someone on Facebook...or writing on somebody's wall on Facebook...or uploading pictures from your night out on Facebook...can you say OBSESSION?!?! Facebook is Internet Crack! Twitter is worse and MySpace is tacky, but Facebook is the real giant of the social networking obsession.
Sadly, this is only going to get worse. As technology advances, we're going to become more obsessed with it, want it faster, probably avoid face-to-face conversation all together, and lose the ability to do one thing at a time. This isn't multi-tasking, this is our inability to focus on one task at a time; the medical textbook definition of A.D.D. The weird thing is, we're all OK with this. After all, technology does make our lives easier and better...doesn't it?
Fast-forward a few years, and the 1960s roll around. The younger generation saw there parents as "square" and did whatever possible to not live their lives like the generation before them. This is where people decided to take drugs, the birth control pill was invented so some real fuckin' took place, and everyone Tuned In, Turned On & Dropped Out. This rebellion lasted all through the 70's and into the early 80s. This rebellious era is commonly referred to as Generation X.
I was born in 1980 (most of my friends were born around the same time). I guess because it was the next letter in the alphabet, but my generation was christened Generation Y. Why? How the fuck should I know! If I knew the real answer, I'd probably be getting paid for writing bullshit like this! Anyway, my generation seems obsessed with staying young. On average, we are getting married later in life, having kids later, and even living with mom and dad longer. Some of us are still obsessed with things from our childhood like Nintendo & Transformers...or maybe that's just me :)
Anyway, the common theme with the Baby Boomers, Gen X & Gen Y, is that they are all doing their best to not be like the era before them and they are stuck in their own ways. The Baby Boomers look down on Gen X the same way Gen X looks down on Gen Y.
Which leads me to this generation of kids. Would they be called Generation Z ? No because that's less creative than calling my era Generation Y. So since somebody has to be creative, I will call this generation: Generation A.D.D. There's a few reasons for this. The biggest one is I keep hearing of a lot of kids having Attention Deficit Disorder. Did this condition just show up one day with no explanation or are doctors just recognizing and diagnosing it more? The same thing can be said for Autism, but thats a blog for another day. Maybe kids just aren't interested in what older people have to say. Maybe we can't admit that we as Gen Y or older are just boring.
As in all those that came before them, this generation is trying to be as far removed from their parents as possible. What I find the most unique about Generation A.D.D. is that EVERYBODY from previous generations are trying to be like them! Don't believe me? How many text messages do you send per day versus how many phone calls you make? More specifically, when did one of your friends try calling you, you don't answer, then write them a 100 word text in response? How many people around age 30 are obsessed with the Twilight Saga?
The biggest culprit for us all having A.D.D. is no doubt: technology. Because of technology, we ALL have A.D.D. of some sort. No, that is not my general stereotype; YOU have A.D.D!!! That's the gospel according to Franky. What's ironic is that we're such slaves to technology that no matter how advanced our technology is, we need it faster. Have you ever been on YouTube and were waiting for a video to load up, just so you could see that kitten attack his shadow? Remember when we all had 56K modems and had to get our Internet through the phone and how long that would take today?
I also think its strange that technology is supposed to make communication easier, but yet we hardly communicate; at least in person. I was bartending last night for a private event that had around 100 people.
No matter where you looked or how many people were in the group, SOMEBODY (usually more than one person) was using their phone. There were a few guys obviously hitting on women, and yet they were both on their phones. And yet, I'm still sure that dude got laid! How often to you avoid face-to-face communication only to stick with text, Instant Messaging, email, Facebook, etc? Ever notice how sarcasm and the tonality of your voice doesn't translate well over there mediums? How much drama or fights between close friends and family gets started this way?
But just saying technology is the root of all evil and the reason for our A.D.D. is an unfair stereotype. Granted, technology has truly made our lives better and easier. Think of all the advancements the car industry has made to improve gas milage and driver safety. Or how email is so much better than writing a letter and spending 40 cents to send it the old fashioned way. And that whole Internet thing is pretty neato too!
To narrow it down, I blame three specific things for the reason why we all have A.D.D.
1). CNN
When 9/11 happened, we were all glued to CNN. We wanted to know every bit of information we could get our hands on. What happened, who did it, why they did it, how many died, who died, what the next step was, what the President was going to do (after his vacation), etc. Because we were desperate for information, this was the first time that I noticed that scroll across the bottom of the screen on CNN. This was new. While the news anchor was talking and we were watching the news like we always did, there was this text of other news stories across the bottom of the screen. The most important things would be scrolling like info on Osama bin Laden, the clean-up efforts, charity work, and other 9/11 related stories. Then there would be other news stories, the weather, the stock market, etc. As months went by, CNN decided to keep the scroll. You would now and forever be able to hear a reporter talk about one story while reading about an unrelated one at the same time. Two news stories going on simultaneously. Now every news program and channel from here to Timfuckjew would have the scrolling text on the bottom of the screen. ESPN took it even one step further by having the main story, the scroll on the bottom, and now on the side of the screen you could see the upcoming stories that would be discussed next. That's right...THREE different news stories at once! As technology advanced, now we have the main story in the center, the scroll on the bottom, a small weather icon, the Dow number, what time it is, sports scores...AND YOU WONDER WHY WE ALL HAVE A.D.D?!?!
2). The iPhone (and the rip-offs its spawned)
I love my Droid phone, but I am man enough to say that it is an iPhone rip-off (a damn good one at that). I want to conduct a little exercise with whoever is reading this; so just play along. Here's what I want you to imagine. Pretend you had a time machine; again, just play along! So you've got your time machine, and you were going to travel back 15 years. Got it? OK, so it's 1995 again. Sorry, but you're stuck listening to Hootie & The Blowfish & The Cranberries and Boston sports team suck balls again. Anyway, now you're going go to talk to your younger self. Here's what I want you to do: try explaining the iPhone to them. The Internet was new to a lot of us then (I didn't even know what the fuck it was at the time), so was Email, and most people thought cellular telephones were an $8/minute fad. Now from the palm of your hand you can communicate with anyone on the planet, communicate with multiple people at the same time, visit websites across the globe, check your stock portfolio, pay bills, buy shit, listen to music, watch videos/movies/porn, find directions to various locations, play games, and waste time. I know its hard to envision because we have it right now. But think about explaining that to yourself 15 years ago!! That's like some real Star Trek shit!
3). Facebook
I know, it sounds contradictory coming from me since I waste more time on FB than I'd like to openly admit. We are so wrapped around technology's finger and full of ourselves, that we actually think that people give a shit about what we're doing! Think of how many social situations like parites, night outs, gatherings, etc where you see people (or yourself) updating their Facebook status...or emailing someone on Facebook...or writing on somebody's wall on Facebook...or uploading pictures from your night out on Facebook...can you say OBSESSION?!?! Facebook is Internet Crack! Twitter is worse and MySpace is tacky, but Facebook is the real giant of the social networking obsession.
Sadly, this is only going to get worse. As technology advances, we're going to become more obsessed with it, want it faster, probably avoid face-to-face conversation all together, and lose the ability to do one thing at a time. This isn't multi-tasking, this is our inability to focus on one task at a time; the medical textbook definition of A.D.D. The weird thing is, we're all OK with this. After all, technology does make our lives easier and better...doesn't it?
Top 10 Movies About Guys Named JOHN
The title says it all here folks! No Jacks allowed! Just Johns! OK, here we go.
#10
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
-One of the oddest movies I've ever seen. JOHN Cusack plays a puppeteer who finds a doorway that leads into the mind of JOHN Malkovich. For whatever reason, they can only venture into Malkovich's mind for 15 very odd minutes. Its a movie about a guy named JOHN staring two guys named JOHN!
#9
THE GREEN MILE
-Based on the Stephen King best-selling novel and from the director of The Shawshank Redemption. Paul Edgecomb is a guard on Death Row when a new inmate named JOHN Coffey (like the drink, only not spelled the same, boss) is brought in. JOHN Coffey is a huge guy with healing powers. He is falsely accused of killing two little girls, and sentenced to death. Kinda sounds like Jesus Christ, after all the have the same initials. Maybe Jesus meant back then the same thing that JOHN means today? I think so!!!
#8
DEMOLITION MAN
-Sylvester Stalone plays Detective JOHN Spartan!!! Yup; in addition to having the first name JOHN, his last name is that of an ancient warrior! DOUBLE WIN!
-Detective JOHN Spartan and his criminal rival Simon Phoenix are frozen in time and released in 2032 where things have, well, changed. I won't go into the details of this weird world they have been unleashed in. My only question is when JOHN goes to the JOHN, how the hell does the three seashells thing work????
#7
SE7EN
-Brad Pitt & Morgan Freeman try to stop a serial killer who is killing his victims based on the seven deadly sins. The killer's name is JOHN Doe. Not only does he share the name given to an unidentified dead body, but his name is JOHN...and he kills people!!! Fuck with this JOHN, and he will cut your wife's head off and mail it to ya!
#6
VERTIGO
-Many movie buffs call this movie Hitchcock's best work. Does it have the best story? Maybe. Is it the best directed? Maybe. Does it have a great actor in the lead role? I guess. Is Jimmy Stewart's character's name JOHN? FUCK YES!!
-Jimmy Stewart plays a San Francisco detective suffering from acrophobia investigates the strange activities of an old friend's wife, all the while becoming dangerously obsessed with her. FUCK HER IN THE ASS, JOHN!!
#5
ANIMAL HOUSE
-The greatest college movie of all time. In every group of friends, there is comparison between the characters. The crazy one always gets to be JOHN "Bluto" Blutarsky played by JOHN Belushi. Comic genius from a comic genius named JOHN!
#4
DIE HARD
-JOHN Fucking McClaine!!!! YIPPY-KAY-YAY MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
#3
FIRST BLOOD
- JOHN Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Cock-Sucking Rambo!!! JOHN MOTHER-FUCKING COCK-SUCKING GRENADE-CHUCKING MACHINE-GUNNING YOU IN THE ASS FUCKING RAMBO!!!
#2
COMMANDO
-Arnold plays a guy named JOHN Matrix. His name is JOHN FUCKING MATRIX!!! If that isn't the coolest JOHN name ever, then I don't know what is!! Wait, there is one more JOHN that is the coolest of the cool...
#1
SHAFT
-JOHN Shaft! He's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks. He's the one who won't cop out when there's danger all about. He's a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman. And he's a bad mother...(shut yo mouth)...but bitch, I'm just talkin' bout JOHN Shaft!!!!
#10
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
-One of the oddest movies I've ever seen. JOHN Cusack plays a puppeteer who finds a doorway that leads into the mind of JOHN Malkovich. For whatever reason, they can only venture into Malkovich's mind for 15 very odd minutes. Its a movie about a guy named JOHN staring two guys named JOHN!
#9
THE GREEN MILE
-Based on the Stephen King best-selling novel and from the director of The Shawshank Redemption. Paul Edgecomb is a guard on Death Row when a new inmate named JOHN Coffey (like the drink, only not spelled the same, boss) is brought in. JOHN Coffey is a huge guy with healing powers. He is falsely accused of killing two little girls, and sentenced to death. Kinda sounds like Jesus Christ, after all the have the same initials. Maybe Jesus meant back then the same thing that JOHN means today? I think so!!!
#8
DEMOLITION MAN
-Sylvester Stalone plays Detective JOHN Spartan!!! Yup; in addition to having the first name JOHN, his last name is that of an ancient warrior! DOUBLE WIN!
-Detective JOHN Spartan and his criminal rival Simon Phoenix are frozen in time and released in 2032 where things have, well, changed. I won't go into the details of this weird world they have been unleashed in. My only question is when JOHN goes to the JOHN, how the hell does the three seashells thing work????
#7
SE7EN
-Brad Pitt & Morgan Freeman try to stop a serial killer who is killing his victims based on the seven deadly sins. The killer's name is JOHN Doe. Not only does he share the name given to an unidentified dead body, but his name is JOHN...and he kills people!!! Fuck with this JOHN, and he will cut your wife's head off and mail it to ya!
#6
VERTIGO
-Many movie buffs call this movie Hitchcock's best work. Does it have the best story? Maybe. Is it the best directed? Maybe. Does it have a great actor in the lead role? I guess. Is Jimmy Stewart's character's name JOHN? FUCK YES!!
-Jimmy Stewart plays a San Francisco detective suffering from acrophobia investigates the strange activities of an old friend's wife, all the while becoming dangerously obsessed with her. FUCK HER IN THE ASS, JOHN!!
#5
ANIMAL HOUSE
-The greatest college movie of all time. In every group of friends, there is comparison between the characters. The crazy one always gets to be JOHN "Bluto" Blutarsky played by JOHN Belushi. Comic genius from a comic genius named JOHN!
#4
DIE HARD
-JOHN Fucking McClaine!!!! YIPPY-KAY-YAY MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
#3
FIRST BLOOD
- JOHN Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Cock-Sucking Rambo!!! JOHN MOTHER-FUCKING COCK-SUCKING GRENADE-CHUCKING MACHINE-GUNNING YOU IN THE ASS FUCKING RAMBO!!!
#2
COMMANDO
-Arnold plays a guy named JOHN Matrix. His name is JOHN FUCKING MATRIX!!! If that isn't the coolest JOHN name ever, then I don't know what is!! Wait, there is one more JOHN that is the coolest of the cool...
#1
SHAFT
-JOHN Shaft! He's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks. He's the one who won't cop out when there's danger all about. He's a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman. And he's a bad mother...(shut yo mouth)...but bitch, I'm just talkin' bout JOHN Shaft!!!!
Top 10 Cameos In Movies
Usually when you watch a movie for the first time, you have a good indication of who stars in it. Hence, why many people watch a movie in the first place. But every so often, there are those unannounced surprises who show up when you least expect it and put in a brief scene-stealing performance. With the Internet making things all too easy to finds spoilers, some times the uncredited cameo gets lost. But when the surprises work, it's pretty awesome.
These are my personal favorite celebrity cameos in movies. Speaking of spoilers, if you've never seen these movies please read with caution. If not, go fuck yourself and enjoy it anyway.
#10.
HULK HOGAN in GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH
-At first glance, this may seem like just a personal favorite since I am a diehard Hulkamaniac. But if you've seen Gremlins 2, then you know why The Hulkster is on here.
-The Gremlins have taken over a building that is basically built like a technological metropolis, home to a TV station called Clamp. Anyway, the movie does whats's called "breaking the fourth wall" by having the movie appear to go haywire and cut out due to the mischievous monsters. We cut from the actual story, to a movie theater that is supposed to be the theater you are in. A manager begins searching fo solutions to get the movie back on so that everyone in the theater can see the 2nd half of the movie. The manager of the theater attempts to correct the problem by going into the audience, and who does he find? But the man with the 24" pythons! So Hogan stands up, turns to the back and cuts a wrestling promo on what he's gonna do if the Gremlins don't turn the movie back on. After he's done, they turn it back on and Hogan says "Sorry folks. Won't happen again."
-What's funny about this scene to me is Hogan is sitting there in his wrestling gear. While every other movie theater patron is dressed normal, Hogan is sitting there with his Hulkster bandana, Hulk Rules t-shirt, his yellow wrestling trunks that look like giant underwear, boots, kneepads and even the WWF Championship belt. During the promo, he tears his t-shirt off and he's all pumped up, oily and sweaty. Then he just sits back down. Imagine being the guy sitting next to him? What do you say to a giant muscle man who is basically wearing next to nothing sitting next to you. What do you do if he puts his arm around you? Or his tongue in your ear? Anyway, I always find that scene hilarious.
#9.
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS in HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE
-This cameo has kind of lost some steam since Harris is now back in the mainstream due to his success on How I Met Your Mother. When this movie came out, he was just the kid from Doogie Howser M.D. all grown up. But this was the performance that made him a star again.
-Harold & Kumar are stoned and trying to find a White Castle to satisfy their case of the munchies. Along their journey, they pick up a hitchhiker and it turns out to be NPH...trippin' balls on ecstacy.
-While in their backseat, he talks about wanting to find strippers and get lap dances. The highlight of the scene is when Harold & Kumar leave the car with NPH in the backseat to ask for directions. NPH begins humping the front seat, licking the head-rest, and eventually stealing their car.
#8
BOB SAGET in HALF-BAKED
-In 1998, Full House had been off the air for 3 years. Bob Saget was still just Danny Tanner; the tall, goofy, overly-clean father of 3 girls. Then he needed work.
-While Dave Chappelle is on stage confessing his addiction to Marijuana, a man in the crowd stands up. HOLY SHIT!! IT'S DANNY TANNER!!! WOW!! I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS! I WONDER HOW LITTLE MICHELLE IS DOING!
-In the scene, Saget shouts out that he has sucked dick for cocaine and then no one would ever do that for weed.
-Like Neil Patrick Harris, time has not been good to this cameo due to Saget being so famous for his raunchy stand-up comedy. But it still holds up as being hilarious. Especially if you grew up watching Full House on a regular basis.
#7
KEITH FUCKING RICHARDS in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END
-Apparently the character of Capt. Jack Sparrow in the script of the first Pirates movie and who Johnny Depp actually played on screen were completely different. When asked how he drew his inspiration of how to play the character, Depp said that he thought pirates were the rock stars of their era. In his head, the ultimate rock star to him was Keith Fucking Richards.
-Fast forward a few years after the first movie, we get two shitty sequels to what could have been a kick ass franchise. Pirates 3 is saved by the appearence of Captain Teague played by the legendary Rolling Stones guitarist. Its an ironic twist how Depp's inspiration for Capt. Jack is actually his character's father.
-The highlight is when Jack says to Captain Teague "How's mom?" Keith Fucking Richards then proceeds to pull out a shrunken head. This may be the most brilliant casting ever.
#6
WILL FERRELL in WEDDING CRASHERS
-Wedding Crashers is to me a movie that I found funny the first time, then after repeated viewings quickly lost its appeal. With the exception of Will Ferrell's scene.
-The premise is Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson's characters go to random weddings of people they don't know in an attempt to bang chicks. Throughout the movie, they make reference to a legendary wedding crasher named Chazz Reinhold. Towards the end of the movie, Owen Wilson's character runs into him. Turns out Chazz (played by Ferrell) is no longer crashing weddings trying to pick up women, but has now moved on (up?) to funerals. That concept in and of itself is hilarious, but didn't need a full movie dedicated to the subject (like Wedding Crashers didn't need one). It was one hilarious scene from a hilarious concept. Short and sweet.
-MAAAAAA!!! THE MEAT LOAF!!!!
#5
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN in PULP FICTION
-Pulp Fiction is one of the best movies ever with an all star cast. Some appear very briefly, but the odd Christopher Walken has one of the best scenes in the movie.
-The scene gives us some backstory on Bruce Willis's character. Walken plays a decorated officer who returns from Vietnam to return to Butch his father's pocketwatch. Walken's character, Captain Koontz, & Butch's father were P.O.W.'s in Vietnam together where his Butch's father eventually died. The watch belonged to his great-grandfather who was in World War I, it was then given to his grandfather who was killed in World War II, then given to Butch's father as he went to Vietnam. The scene is very heartfelt as Captain Koontz tells Butch the history the watch.
-Then the scene takes a turn that Inever expected. His father didn't want the Viet Cong to take the watch from him so he couldn't pass it on to his only son. So he hid it from them for 3 years...up his ass. Before he died of dysentary, he gave the watch to Captain Koontz, who hid it up his ass for 2 years, and promise that he would give it to Butch one day.
-The scene is so fucking random and comes out of nowhere. Then the movie just goes back to where it left off.
#4.
MATT DAMON & BEN AFFLECK in JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK
-Jay & Silent Bob go to Hollywood to prevent a movie from being made about their comic book alter-egos Bluntman & Chronic. They eventually end up on the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season featuring stars Matt Damon & Ben Affleck.
-The scene shows Will & Chuckie getting into another argument with the longhaired prepie from the Harvard bar from the first movie, consisting of much of the same dialogue from the original movie. Only this time, he read "Vickahs" and has caught up on more reading that Will hasn't even heard of yet. He then pokes Will in the chest telling him "Face it, you're just no longer that good...Will Hunting! Now, how do you like 'dem apples?!?" Will then pulls out a shotgun and blows him away. Chuckie then says "APPLESAUCE, BITCH!"
-AFFLECK, YOU DA BOMB IN PHANTOMS YO!!!
#3.
BILL MURRAY in ZOMBIELAND
-Much of the world has been infected by zombies, so this group that doesn't trust each other end up driving around celebrity homes in Hollywood eventually coming to a house with a big BM on the gate. It is the home of the one and only, Bill Murray.
- Bill Murray attempts to scare Talahasse & Witchita posing as a zombie and then confesses that he only does it to scare zombies off. Murray even plays Ghostbusters with Talahasse using vacuum cleaners. He attempts to scare Columbus and Little Rock. Unfortuntaely he scares them too much and Columbus blasts him with a shotgun. Yes, they kill Bill Murray.
-Before he dies, Little Rock asks him if he had any regrets in life and he goes "Garfield."
#2
MARSHALL MCLUHAN in ANNIE HALL
-I had to do some research on who this guy is, and here's what I found. According to Wikipedia, he was a Canadian educator, philosopher, and scholar—a professor of English literature, a literary critic, a rhetorician, and a communication theorist. McLuhan's work is viewed as one of the cornerstones of the study of media theory. McLuhan is known for the expressions "the medium is the message" and "global village". McLuhan was a fixture in media discourse from the late 1960s to his death and he continues to be an influential and controversial figure. More than ten years after his death he was named the "patron saint" of Wired magazine.
-Anyway, in a scene that is the ultimate in one-uping someone, Alvie hears someone quoting McLuhan and suddenly just pulls the actual man out from behind a curtain. Shocked, the man has McLuhan get in his face and say "You know nothing of my work!"
#1.
TOM CRUISE in TROPIC THUNDER
-This is exactly the reason why a cameo can make a good movie great. Tom Cruise plays Les Grossman, a foul-mouthed, movie producer with a love for rap music. He also doned a fat suit, bald wig, beard and giant hands.
-Tom Cruise is hilarious because he doesn't play the sterotypical Tom Cruise role. Even though the role is hilarious, this seriously is his best acting since Born On The Fourth Of July.
-The scene of all scenes is when a real army has called him to ask for money for the safe return of prisoner Tug Spieldman. Grossman says "Ok, Flaming Dragon, fuck face. Why don't you take a step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!!!!"
These are my personal favorite celebrity cameos in movies. Speaking of spoilers, if you've never seen these movies please read with caution. If not, go fuck yourself and enjoy it anyway.
#10.
HULK HOGAN in GREMLINS 2: THE NEW BATCH
-At first glance, this may seem like just a personal favorite since I am a diehard Hulkamaniac. But if you've seen Gremlins 2, then you know why The Hulkster is on here.
-The Gremlins have taken over a building that is basically built like a technological metropolis, home to a TV station called Clamp. Anyway, the movie does whats's called "breaking the fourth wall" by having the movie appear to go haywire and cut out due to the mischievous monsters. We cut from the actual story, to a movie theater that is supposed to be the theater you are in. A manager begins searching fo solutions to get the movie back on so that everyone in the theater can see the 2nd half of the movie. The manager of the theater attempts to correct the problem by going into the audience, and who does he find? But the man with the 24" pythons! So Hogan stands up, turns to the back and cuts a wrestling promo on what he's gonna do if the Gremlins don't turn the movie back on. After he's done, they turn it back on and Hogan says "Sorry folks. Won't happen again."
-What's funny about this scene to me is Hogan is sitting there in his wrestling gear. While every other movie theater patron is dressed normal, Hogan is sitting there with his Hulkster bandana, Hulk Rules t-shirt, his yellow wrestling trunks that look like giant underwear, boots, kneepads and even the WWF Championship belt. During the promo, he tears his t-shirt off and he's all pumped up, oily and sweaty. Then he just sits back down. Imagine being the guy sitting next to him? What do you say to a giant muscle man who is basically wearing next to nothing sitting next to you. What do you do if he puts his arm around you? Or his tongue in your ear? Anyway, I always find that scene hilarious.
#9.
NEIL PATRICK HARRIS in HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE
-This cameo has kind of lost some steam since Harris is now back in the mainstream due to his success on How I Met Your Mother. When this movie came out, he was just the kid from Doogie Howser M.D. all grown up. But this was the performance that made him a star again.
-Harold & Kumar are stoned and trying to find a White Castle to satisfy their case of the munchies. Along their journey, they pick up a hitchhiker and it turns out to be NPH...trippin' balls on ecstacy.
-While in their backseat, he talks about wanting to find strippers and get lap dances. The highlight of the scene is when Harold & Kumar leave the car with NPH in the backseat to ask for directions. NPH begins humping the front seat, licking the head-rest, and eventually stealing their car.
#8
BOB SAGET in HALF-BAKED
-In 1998, Full House had been off the air for 3 years. Bob Saget was still just Danny Tanner; the tall, goofy, overly-clean father of 3 girls. Then he needed work.
-While Dave Chappelle is on stage confessing his addiction to Marijuana, a man in the crowd stands up. HOLY SHIT!! IT'S DANNY TANNER!!! WOW!! I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS! I WONDER HOW LITTLE MICHELLE IS DOING!
-In the scene, Saget shouts out that he has sucked dick for cocaine and then no one would ever do that for weed.
-Like Neil Patrick Harris, time has not been good to this cameo due to Saget being so famous for his raunchy stand-up comedy. But it still holds up as being hilarious. Especially if you grew up watching Full House on a regular basis.
#7
KEITH FUCKING RICHARDS in PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END
-Apparently the character of Capt. Jack Sparrow in the script of the first Pirates movie and who Johnny Depp actually played on screen were completely different. When asked how he drew his inspiration of how to play the character, Depp said that he thought pirates were the rock stars of their era. In his head, the ultimate rock star to him was Keith Fucking Richards.
-Fast forward a few years after the first movie, we get two shitty sequels to what could have been a kick ass franchise. Pirates 3 is saved by the appearence of Captain Teague played by the legendary Rolling Stones guitarist. Its an ironic twist how Depp's inspiration for Capt. Jack is actually his character's father.
-The highlight is when Jack says to Captain Teague "How's mom?" Keith Fucking Richards then proceeds to pull out a shrunken head. This may be the most brilliant casting ever.
#6
WILL FERRELL in WEDDING CRASHERS
-Wedding Crashers is to me a movie that I found funny the first time, then after repeated viewings quickly lost its appeal. With the exception of Will Ferrell's scene.
-The premise is Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson's characters go to random weddings of people they don't know in an attempt to bang chicks. Throughout the movie, they make reference to a legendary wedding crasher named Chazz Reinhold. Towards the end of the movie, Owen Wilson's character runs into him. Turns out Chazz (played by Ferrell) is no longer crashing weddings trying to pick up women, but has now moved on (up?) to funerals. That concept in and of itself is hilarious, but didn't need a full movie dedicated to the subject (like Wedding Crashers didn't need one). It was one hilarious scene from a hilarious concept. Short and sweet.
-MAAAAAA!!! THE MEAT LOAF!!!!
#5
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN in PULP FICTION
-Pulp Fiction is one of the best movies ever with an all star cast. Some appear very briefly, but the odd Christopher Walken has one of the best scenes in the movie.
-The scene gives us some backstory on Bruce Willis's character. Walken plays a decorated officer who returns from Vietnam to return to Butch his father's pocketwatch. Walken's character, Captain Koontz, & Butch's father were P.O.W.'s in Vietnam together where his Butch's father eventually died. The watch belonged to his great-grandfather who was in World War I, it was then given to his grandfather who was killed in World War II, then given to Butch's father as he went to Vietnam. The scene is very heartfelt as Captain Koontz tells Butch the history the watch.
-Then the scene takes a turn that Inever expected. His father didn't want the Viet Cong to take the watch from him so he couldn't pass it on to his only son. So he hid it from them for 3 years...up his ass. Before he died of dysentary, he gave the watch to Captain Koontz, who hid it up his ass for 2 years, and promise that he would give it to Butch one day.
-The scene is so fucking random and comes out of nowhere. Then the movie just goes back to where it left off.
#4.
MATT DAMON & BEN AFFLECK in JAY & SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK
-Jay & Silent Bob go to Hollywood to prevent a movie from being made about their comic book alter-egos Bluntman & Chronic. They eventually end up on the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season featuring stars Matt Damon & Ben Affleck.
-The scene shows Will & Chuckie getting into another argument with the longhaired prepie from the Harvard bar from the first movie, consisting of much of the same dialogue from the original movie. Only this time, he read "Vickahs" and has caught up on more reading that Will hasn't even heard of yet. He then pokes Will in the chest telling him "Face it, you're just no longer that good...Will Hunting! Now, how do you like 'dem apples?!?" Will then pulls out a shotgun and blows him away. Chuckie then says "APPLESAUCE, BITCH!"
-AFFLECK, YOU DA BOMB IN PHANTOMS YO!!!
#3.
BILL MURRAY in ZOMBIELAND
-Much of the world has been infected by zombies, so this group that doesn't trust each other end up driving around celebrity homes in Hollywood eventually coming to a house with a big BM on the gate. It is the home of the one and only, Bill Murray.
- Bill Murray attempts to scare Talahasse & Witchita posing as a zombie and then confesses that he only does it to scare zombies off. Murray even plays Ghostbusters with Talahasse using vacuum cleaners. He attempts to scare Columbus and Little Rock. Unfortuntaely he scares them too much and Columbus blasts him with a shotgun. Yes, they kill Bill Murray.
-Before he dies, Little Rock asks him if he had any regrets in life and he goes "Garfield."
#2
MARSHALL MCLUHAN in ANNIE HALL
-I had to do some research on who this guy is, and here's what I found. According to Wikipedia, he was a Canadian educator, philosopher, and scholar—a professor of English literature, a literary critic, a rhetorician, and a communication theorist. McLuhan's work is viewed as one of the cornerstones of the study of media theory. McLuhan is known for the expressions "the medium is the message" and "global village". McLuhan was a fixture in media discourse from the late 1960s to his death and he continues to be an influential and controversial figure. More than ten years after his death he was named the "patron saint" of Wired magazine.
-Anyway, in a scene that is the ultimate in one-uping someone, Alvie hears someone quoting McLuhan and suddenly just pulls the actual man out from behind a curtain. Shocked, the man has McLuhan get in his face and say "You know nothing of my work!"
#1.
TOM CRUISE in TROPIC THUNDER
-This is exactly the reason why a cameo can make a good movie great. Tom Cruise plays Les Grossman, a foul-mouthed, movie producer with a love for rap music. He also doned a fat suit, bald wig, beard and giant hands.
-Tom Cruise is hilarious because he doesn't play the sterotypical Tom Cruise role. Even though the role is hilarious, this seriously is his best acting since Born On The Fourth Of July.
-The scene of all scenes is when a real army has called him to ask for money for the safe return of prisoner Tug Spieldman. Grossman says "Ok, Flaming Dragon, fuck face. Why don't you take a step back, and literally FUCK YOUR OWN FACE!!!!"
Movies That Rhyme
Movies that rhyme with Twilight
-We Own The Night
-Fight
-The Dark Knight
-Out Of Sight
-The Rolling Stones: Shine A Light
-It Happened One Night
Movies that rhyme with The Lion King
-The Thing
-Everybody Sing
-Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
-The Ring
Movies that rhyme with Groundhog Day
-Carlito's Way
-Ray
-Spirited Away
-Independence Day
-Night & Day
-JFK
Movies that rhyme with The Rock
-Woodstock
-The Boondocks
-Mr. Woodcock
-School Of Rock
-Star Trek III: The Search For Spock
-Girls Who Swallow Cum And Suck Cock
Movies that rhyme with Ed Wood
-Boyz In The Hood
-The Wood
-Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood
-The Little Engine That Could
Movies that rhyme with Man On Fire
-Liar, Liar
-The Village Squire
-Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire
-Bird On A Wire
Movies that rhyme with Marley & Me
-Chasing Amy
-The Number 23
-Sin City
-Rocky
-Dick Tracy
-The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Movies that rhyme with The Lost Boys
-Space Cowboys
-Toys
-White Noise
-Sorority Boys
Movies that rhyme with Rambo
-Commando
-Gran Torino
-Yojimbo
-Zack & Miri Make A Porno
-Desperado
-The Mask Of Zorro
Wow. I think I just wrote the most pointless blog ever.
-We Own The Night
-Fight
-The Dark Knight
-Out Of Sight
-The Rolling Stones: Shine A Light
-It Happened One Night
Movies that rhyme with The Lion King
-The Thing
-Everybody Sing
-Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
-The Ring
Movies that rhyme with Groundhog Day
-Carlito's Way
-Ray
-Spirited Away
-Independence Day
-Night & Day
-JFK
Movies that rhyme with The Rock
-Woodstock
-The Boondocks
-Mr. Woodcock
-School Of Rock
-Star Trek III: The Search For Spock
-Girls Who Swallow Cum And Suck Cock
Movies that rhyme with Ed Wood
-Boyz In The Hood
-The Wood
-Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood
-The Little Engine That Could
Movies that rhyme with Man On Fire
-Liar, Liar
-The Village Squire
-Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire
-Bird On A Wire
Movies that rhyme with Marley & Me
-Chasing Amy
-The Number 23
-Sin City
-Rocky
-Dick Tracy
-The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
Movies that rhyme with The Lost Boys
-Space Cowboys
-Toys
-White Noise
-Sorority Boys
Movies that rhyme with Rambo
-Commando
-Gran Torino
-Yojimbo
-Zack & Miri Make A Porno
-Desperado
-The Mask Of Zorro
Wow. I think I just wrote the most pointless blog ever.
Movies Suck
Anyone who knows me is aware that I am a huge movie buff. Which will make the following statement seem very strange.
I have not been to the movie theater in 2010.
Movies in 2010 just do not interest me. 2009 was a shitty year for movies. Almost every movie I looked forward to last year, was a giant dissappointment. The only exceptions were The Hangover, Inglourious Basterds, Up, and Zombieland. Yes a movie about a drunken bachelor party, Jews killing Hitler, a cartoon and Woody Harellson killing zombies was the best that cinema had to offer (although Woody killing zombies is quite possibly the greatest concept for a movie ever). The Hurt Locker won Best Picture for the sole reason of a woman had never won Best Director and a movie directed by a woman never won Best Picture. Upon viewing, I found the movie mediocre at best.
There are a few reasons why I won't go to the movies.
1) Tickets Are Too Expensive.
-In the past if I went to a movie that turned out to be bad, not a big deal. So I'm out $5-6 bucks. Well now tickets cost $11 each. Because of that, I find myself sitting in a theater with my arms crossed saying "OK, I just paid the same price for a discount DVD to see this movie in theaters. Impress me." And now since most of the bigger releases are only being shown in 3D which makes tickets more expensive (around $14-$15), it just raises my standards too high to see if the movie will make up for the cost of the ticket price.
2). 3D Is Fucking Gay
-Speaking of 3D, when did it become 1950 again? How the hell did 3D become popular again all of a sudden? Can't I just watch a movie and not have shit reach out to me? I can't wait till this fad fades away...again. The only movies that should be in 3D should be porn. That would be awesome...till the end.
3). Hollywood Has Nothing Creative To Offer Movie-Goers
-Theaters are oversaturated with shitty sequels, shitty adaptations of old TV shows or shitty remakes. The only memorable remake in recent years that I can think of, was Star Trek. That was actually pretty damn good. The only time a movie has something creative to say, its released on 10 screens across the country so unless you plan on going to East Bumfuck, Wisconsin, you're just gonna have to wait till its on Netfilx. I understand Hollywood is a business like everything else, but give your consumers something worth buying! Plus even if you plan on multiple sequels in a series, do you need to release one every year? Are the tweens and 30 year olds who should be ashamed of themselves going to forget what happens between Twilight & New Moon if they space them out more?
4). CGI Has Ruined Movies For Me
-I have not seen Avatar and I won't. Same thing with all the other CGI over-saturated movies. CGI has ruined movies. The old adage of "more is better" has ruined movies all together. Our minds have become so numb and creativity of directors has plummeted. Remember how much work in took George Lucas to get Jabba the Hutt to come to life in Return Of The Jedi? What about how Speilberg had to go through hell to get Jaws to work? To me, the best special effects are when you look at a movie and lose yourself in to forgeting how real something looks; you just take it in.
5). Unless it has Zombies in it, I'm done with Horror.
-I just don't find horror entertaining anymore. As a long-time lover of horror movies, this is disheartening to say. I saw Drag Me To Hell in theaters last year. Everything I saw, I kept saying to myself "Why aren't I enjoying this?" Other horror movies are just people being tortured. Then there's the shitty remakes of the classics. This is not entertaining to me. I still enjoy older horror moves, but unless it has zombies in it, I wont see a new one.
To me the last good year for movies was 2008. I saw some great movies that year. 4 of my favorite movies of all time were released then: The Dark Knight, Gran Torino, The Wrestler & WALL-E. Also comedic genius was released in Tropic Thunder & Zack & Miri Make A Porno. Don't forget Iron Man! Slumdog Millionaire was really good too.
I have not been to the movie theater in 2010.
Movies in 2010 just do not interest me. 2009 was a shitty year for movies. Almost every movie I looked forward to last year, was a giant dissappointment. The only exceptions were The Hangover, Inglourious Basterds, Up, and Zombieland. Yes a movie about a drunken bachelor party, Jews killing Hitler, a cartoon and Woody Harellson killing zombies was the best that cinema had to offer (although Woody killing zombies is quite possibly the greatest concept for a movie ever). The Hurt Locker won Best Picture for the sole reason of a woman had never won Best Director and a movie directed by a woman never won Best Picture. Upon viewing, I found the movie mediocre at best.
There are a few reasons why I won't go to the movies.
1) Tickets Are Too Expensive.
-In the past if I went to a movie that turned out to be bad, not a big deal. So I'm out $5-6 bucks. Well now tickets cost $11 each. Because of that, I find myself sitting in a theater with my arms crossed saying "OK, I just paid the same price for a discount DVD to see this movie in theaters. Impress me." And now since most of the bigger releases are only being shown in 3D which makes tickets more expensive (around $14-$15), it just raises my standards too high to see if the movie will make up for the cost of the ticket price.
2). 3D Is Fucking Gay
-Speaking of 3D, when did it become 1950 again? How the hell did 3D become popular again all of a sudden? Can't I just watch a movie and not have shit reach out to me? I can't wait till this fad fades away...again. The only movies that should be in 3D should be porn. That would be awesome...till the end.
3). Hollywood Has Nothing Creative To Offer Movie-Goers
-Theaters are oversaturated with shitty sequels, shitty adaptations of old TV shows or shitty remakes. The only memorable remake in recent years that I can think of, was Star Trek. That was actually pretty damn good. The only time a movie has something creative to say, its released on 10 screens across the country so unless you plan on going to East Bumfuck, Wisconsin, you're just gonna have to wait till its on Netfilx. I understand Hollywood is a business like everything else, but give your consumers something worth buying! Plus even if you plan on multiple sequels in a series, do you need to release one every year? Are the tweens and 30 year olds who should be ashamed of themselves going to forget what happens between Twilight & New Moon if they space them out more?
4). CGI Has Ruined Movies For Me
-I have not seen Avatar and I won't. Same thing with all the other CGI over-saturated movies. CGI has ruined movies. The old adage of "more is better" has ruined movies all together. Our minds have become so numb and creativity of directors has plummeted. Remember how much work in took George Lucas to get Jabba the Hutt to come to life in Return Of The Jedi? What about how Speilberg had to go through hell to get Jaws to work? To me, the best special effects are when you look at a movie and lose yourself in to forgeting how real something looks; you just take it in.
5). Unless it has Zombies in it, I'm done with Horror.
-I just don't find horror entertaining anymore. As a long-time lover of horror movies, this is disheartening to say. I saw Drag Me To Hell in theaters last year. Everything I saw, I kept saying to myself "Why aren't I enjoying this?" Other horror movies are just people being tortured. Then there's the shitty remakes of the classics. This is not entertaining to me. I still enjoy older horror moves, but unless it has zombies in it, I wont see a new one.
To me the last good year for movies was 2008. I saw some great movies that year. 4 of my favorite movies of all time were released then: The Dark Knight, Gran Torino, The Wrestler & WALL-E. Also comedic genius was released in Tropic Thunder & Zack & Miri Make A Porno. Don't forget Iron Man! Slumdog Millionaire was really good too.
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