The title says it all here folks! No Jacks allowed! Just Johns! OK, here we go.
#10
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
-One of the oddest movies I've ever seen. JOHN Cusack plays a puppeteer who finds a doorway that leads into the mind of JOHN Malkovich. For whatever reason, they can only venture into Malkovich's mind for 15 very odd minutes. Its a movie about a guy named JOHN staring two guys named JOHN!
#9
THE GREEN MILE
-Based on the Stephen King best-selling novel and from the director of The Shawshank Redemption. Paul Edgecomb is a guard on Death Row when a new inmate named JOHN Coffey (like the drink, only not spelled the same, boss) is brought in. JOHN Coffey is a huge guy with healing powers. He is falsely accused of killing two little girls, and sentenced to death. Kinda sounds like Jesus Christ, after all the have the same initials. Maybe Jesus meant back then the same thing that JOHN means today? I think so!!!
#8
DEMOLITION MAN
-Sylvester Stalone plays Detective JOHN Spartan!!! Yup; in addition to having the first name JOHN, his last name is that of an ancient warrior! DOUBLE WIN!
-Detective JOHN Spartan and his criminal rival Simon Phoenix are frozen in time and released in 2032 where things have, well, changed. I won't go into the details of this weird world they have been unleashed in. My only question is when JOHN goes to the JOHN, how the hell does the three seashells thing work????
#7
SE7EN
-Brad Pitt & Morgan Freeman try to stop a serial killer who is killing his victims based on the seven deadly sins. The killer's name is JOHN Doe. Not only does he share the name given to an unidentified dead body, but his name is JOHN...and he kills people!!! Fuck with this JOHN, and he will cut your wife's head off and mail it to ya!
#6
VERTIGO
-Many movie buffs call this movie Hitchcock's best work. Does it have the best story? Maybe. Is it the best directed? Maybe. Does it have a great actor in the lead role? I guess. Is Jimmy Stewart's character's name JOHN? FUCK YES!!
-Jimmy Stewart plays a San Francisco detective suffering from acrophobia investigates the strange activities of an old friend's wife, all the while becoming dangerously obsessed with her. FUCK HER IN THE ASS, JOHN!!
#5
ANIMAL HOUSE
-The greatest college movie of all time. In every group of friends, there is comparison between the characters. The crazy one always gets to be JOHN "Bluto" Blutarsky played by JOHN Belushi. Comic genius from a comic genius named JOHN!
#4
DIE HARD
-JOHN Fucking McClaine!!!! YIPPY-KAY-YAY MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
#3
FIRST BLOOD
- JOHN Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Cock-Sucking Rambo!!! JOHN MOTHER-FUCKING COCK-SUCKING GRENADE-CHUCKING MACHINE-GUNNING YOU IN THE ASS FUCKING RAMBO!!!
#2
COMMANDO
-Arnold plays a guy named JOHN Matrix. His name is JOHN FUCKING MATRIX!!! If that isn't the coolest JOHN name ever, then I don't know what is!! Wait, there is one more JOHN that is the coolest of the cool...
#1
SHAFT
-JOHN Shaft! He's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks. He's the one who won't cop out when there's danger all about. He's a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman. And he's a bad mother...(shut yo mouth)...but bitch, I'm just talkin' bout JOHN Shaft!!!!
#10
BEING JOHN MALKOVICH
-One of the oddest movies I've ever seen. JOHN Cusack plays a puppeteer who finds a doorway that leads into the mind of JOHN Malkovich. For whatever reason, they can only venture into Malkovich's mind for 15 very odd minutes. Its a movie about a guy named JOHN staring two guys named JOHN!
#9
THE GREEN MILE
-Based on the Stephen King best-selling novel and from the director of The Shawshank Redemption. Paul Edgecomb is a guard on Death Row when a new inmate named JOHN Coffey (like the drink, only not spelled the same, boss) is brought in. JOHN Coffey is a huge guy with healing powers. He is falsely accused of killing two little girls, and sentenced to death. Kinda sounds like Jesus Christ, after all the have the same initials. Maybe Jesus meant back then the same thing that JOHN means today? I think so!!!
#8
DEMOLITION MAN
-Sylvester Stalone plays Detective JOHN Spartan!!! Yup; in addition to having the first name JOHN, his last name is that of an ancient warrior! DOUBLE WIN!
-Detective JOHN Spartan and his criminal rival Simon Phoenix are frozen in time and released in 2032 where things have, well, changed. I won't go into the details of this weird world they have been unleashed in. My only question is when JOHN goes to the JOHN, how the hell does the three seashells thing work????
#7
SE7EN
-Brad Pitt & Morgan Freeman try to stop a serial killer who is killing his victims based on the seven deadly sins. The killer's name is JOHN Doe. Not only does he share the name given to an unidentified dead body, but his name is JOHN...and he kills people!!! Fuck with this JOHN, and he will cut your wife's head off and mail it to ya!
#6
VERTIGO
-Many movie buffs call this movie Hitchcock's best work. Does it have the best story? Maybe. Is it the best directed? Maybe. Does it have a great actor in the lead role? I guess. Is Jimmy Stewart's character's name JOHN? FUCK YES!!
-Jimmy Stewart plays a San Francisco detective suffering from acrophobia investigates the strange activities of an old friend's wife, all the while becoming dangerously obsessed with her. FUCK HER IN THE ASS, JOHN!!
#5
ANIMAL HOUSE
-The greatest college movie of all time. In every group of friends, there is comparison between the characters. The crazy one always gets to be JOHN "Bluto" Blutarsky played by JOHN Belushi. Comic genius from a comic genius named JOHN!
#4
DIE HARD
-JOHN Fucking McClaine!!!! YIPPY-KAY-YAY MOTHER FUCKER!!!!
#3
FIRST BLOOD
- JOHN Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Rambo!!! JOHN Mother-Fucking Cock-Sucking Rambo!!! JOHN MOTHER-FUCKING COCK-SUCKING GRENADE-CHUCKING MACHINE-GUNNING YOU IN THE ASS FUCKING RAMBO!!!
#2
COMMANDO
-Arnold plays a guy named JOHN Matrix. His name is JOHN FUCKING MATRIX!!! If that isn't the coolest JOHN name ever, then I don't know what is!! Wait, there is one more JOHN that is the coolest of the cool...
#1
SHAFT
-JOHN Shaft! He's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks. He's the one who won't cop out when there's danger all about. He's a complicated man and no one understands him but his woman. And he's a bad mother...(shut yo mouth)...but bitch, I'm just talkin' bout JOHN Shaft!!!!
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